Easter hiccup

Easter weekend was the weekend that Prince Charming and I were to attend our first family dinner with his family.. I was incredibly nervous.. Pick a stigma about being the first girlfriend after an ex-wife and I’ve experienced it, the Prince and I have had to work through alot. So needless to say, I was worried about being judged or compared against the ex-wife, or just plain being unaccepted or not given the chance during this family gathering. But I was prepared! I was to come bearing sweets, wine, and to just be my charming self… I’ve already made my mark on previous difficult in-laws and challenging mothers of Momma’s boys (not that Prince Charming is a Momma’s boy, but overbearing mothers are a partner’s biggest challenge was more my point), having them fall in love with me and developed some wonderful relationships with parents of ex-partners.. So figuring this was my best friend, I’m already known to some of his family, it’s evident that I love him and treat him well and given his ex-wife is being a tad bit difficult in the whole divorce process; I thought I was being silly perhaps, and shouldn’t worry as much… They would totally see how wonderful I was! Just being in our presence, you can see how well I get along with and love my Prince and Little Parrot.

Prince Charming and I were to be hosting at his house, putting on dinner for his daughter, his folks, his sister and brother-in-law. I was already in planning mode, gently coaxing the Prince for what I could make, bring, cook, etc… I love entertaining! And this was a huge step for us, our first family function! I was looking forward to it immensely.

Then Thursday came….. and the hiccup….

His mother called, there was a scheduling issues which would turn out to be more feasible to host dinner at his folks’ place….

“And oh, by the way… Could we just have the family this time?..I’m not ready for someone new yet”…..

Prince Charming had to relay to me his conversation with his mother…My worry about being judged, or not given a chance just punched me in the stomach.. I felt ill…I started crying.. Another challenge or obstacle, this time from the people who love my guy the most and who were supposed to support him.

Then I went from tears and sadness, to feeling angry! As if the line had been drawn in the sand.. I now had an enemy and someone I had to steel myself against…I have met this woman in passing before, and she seemed sweet, but now to me, she was the wicked witch of the west! That’s how I felt at the time anyway… I don’t even think I’d uninvite someone who was acquaintance, let alone someone a family member deemed important enough to them to invite in the first place.

Prince and Little Parrot went away to family Easter dinner without me.. I was a ball of emotion between sadness and anger. I had hoped Prince Charming would have a chat with the Wicked Witc… I mean, his mother…

He did… Apparently she needed time to mourn his ex, and was well aware of how he, I, and his daughter function together as our own little unit; she wasn’t ready to see that for a prolonged period of time yet (she spent a few hours with us a couple weeks prior, which I thought went pretty darn well myself). How my Prince puts it is: “I wouldn’t have received a fair chance at acceptance yet”. But he relayed to his mother how important I was to him, and that I’m not going anywhere (that’s my man!).

But now… When I eventually do get to this whole family thing with his side, how do I not have the first impression of being “unwelcome” in the back of my mind? She hurt me… I couldn’t believe it happened (and in truth, Prince Charming couldn’t either)…. I’m not saying I hold grudges, but I never forget things… and sometimes I have trouble letting go of things that bother me… things I have to work on I guess.

So.. I suppose I just smile, like there’s no hard feelings? The bottle of wine and Easter card I sent in my absence should relay that I hope? I’m trying not to have hard feelings at least.. I just pretend it didn’t happen? Yes, yes, I’m well aware I can’t refer to her as the Wicked Witch of the West… She’s probably not a bad lady, she did produce something pretty wonderful afterall (her son)… She just hurt me, though probably not intentionally (I hope).

More time needed for everyone… Just because Prince Charming and his daughter are comfortable and ready to move forward, doesn’t necessarily mean everyone else in life is. I guess I just expected a chance, as that would be supporting Prince Charming and his happiness; but not all think the same way and have that definition of “support”.

I am with him, not his family… And him and I are good! But it sure makes life easier when your significant other’s family at least tolerates you. I have to admit, this past weekend did make me feel a tad bit defeated….

Now to just get past this….

Still learning….

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Adjusting

Something about me, I’m extremely open and quite forthcoming with my emotions. So, when I have a partner, you can bet that people know that I am “taken”, “off the market”, “with someone”, etc. In fact, if I’m feeling pretty good about said relationship, I’m a shout it from the roof tops type of girl.. I’m in love, it’s wonderful, the world seems brighter, yay!

I’m finding an adjustment period though with my fella. We are transitioning from best friends to significant others (or do I call him my boyfriend? I’m over 30 now, do I have “boyfriends” at this age?). We already know most of eachother’s quirks and we still talk about everything, but I find our conversations (especially disagreements) have become more “passionate”.. Yes, passionate was his choice of wording one eve as I was exasperating him with a difference of opinion or interpretation of something. He’s so wonderful; he doesn’t say I’m a pain in the arse, I’m passionate! LOL But we communicate about EVERYTHING, and quite openly… I’ve always appreciated that about us. That transition is going wonderfully, I adore him…

Although, there is another adjustment that we are going through as well…. Slowly letting people know we are together.. Where I’m happy and feeling great about our blossoming relationship, there’s a slightly negative cloud hung over us. We are sort of soon after his previous relationship ending… There’s a perception by a few that him and I were carrying on before his previous relationship had ended (we were not)..In fact I’ve lost a few acquaintances over this. Though the people that really know me, are quite happy for me and know what did in fact happen (and not happen for that matter); I hate others having the perception that I would assist in the demise of a relationship, especially when there is a child involved (I don’t think I mentioned he has a wee one yet, have I?). But I have to remember: feelings were hurt, there was (is) pain and anger; and for those that don’t really know me, I suppose it’s easiest to think I had some involvement. It’s human nature….I hold no ill will towards anyone with this perception, nor am I aggressive or confrontational about it. It’s just unfortunate, all around…

So where there’s this new and wonderful relationship, I fear we are not able to enjoy it to it’s full potential… Yet…

There will be adjusting, not only for us, but for others as well. I know that all will be well in time; and I truly believe that something positive and great will come of this despite the negative light at first, we just seem to fit. But my mind wanders endlessly to everything the future will hold… Will his friends accept me (the ones that knew his ex)? Will his family like me? Will his ex and I eventually be able to talk? (I’m sure we eventually will have to cross paths, she’s the mother of his child, I would even say her and I were acquaintances before they split, I liked her – though at present moment we don’t talk – yes I get why)… These are the challenges we have, and things that I think about…

I guess we just move forward, and deal with what may come and try to focus on the good things. This will take strength from both of us.

Still learning…