Are you watching Dad?

Note: This is a sad post for me. It’s that time of year folks, where you will get some emotional outpour/drivel from me. But bear with me, I write through it.

“Are you watching Dad?” She plays in her magic sand and wants to make sure her Daddy is watching her as she carefully packs sand into the mold that he used moments before to make her sand castle.

“Are you watching Dad?” She’s rolling a ball of play dough after happily announcing that she’s making a dog, just like theirs that is sitting at Daddy’s feet.

“Are you watching Dad?” She wriggles, jumps and runs around in circles while music plays on the television, triumphant that she is dancing with her Daddy.

Prince Charming has an adorable little daughter, who is two and a half years old. I am blessed to be able to spend a bit of time with them each week. It’s an honour that he shares something so precious with me, as he himself is adjusting to not having his daughter living with him full time. Time with his daughter is little/rare by his standards, so I consider this a brilliant gift. I adore watching them grow together, father and daughter, building a great bond. Actually, the more time I spend with them, it makes me reflect more on my own relationship that I had with my father.

Those who know me (and even those who have read this blog) know I am such a Daddy’s Girl. I totally cherish the relationship I had with my father, we were so close. He was (and always will be) my hero and the man I looked up to the most in my life. To the day he died, I knew I had him wrapped around my little finger (and I don’t say this as a spoiled brat kind of thing; I mean he loved me that much, and I knew it!). I hope to help nurture and encourage that type of relationship with Prince Charming and his little one. He adores her, and she is his pride and joy. She’s a toddler at the moment, so she is always asking him “Are you watching Dad?”. A little girl eager to impress her Daddy, and to make him proud. She’s reaffirming with him that she’s accepted, loved, and noticed. I’m not sure we ever grow out of that.

I remember (vaguely) as a young girl asking the same question of my Dad. Whether dancing and twirling around the living room… or carefully placing the needle on the record to make it play a song (yes, I’m dating myself here)…or riding my bike without training wheels…Things that would make Dad proud and happy; I just had to make sure he was watching.

As an adult, I quit asking Dad out loud if he was watching… But I know when I got up to perform in community theatre, my first scan of the audience when I took the stage was for his face…. When I deflected that shot on goal or stole the ball in slide tackle during soccer, he was at that game…..When I went to college and got a certificate, I made sure to show him….When I started rebuilding my life after a divorce, he was there for that and talking me through it…. I always in the back of my mind, wanted to make sure that he was watching, and that I was making him proud.

Tomorrow marks two years since my father passed away. In those two years I still hope, and wish to make him proud. I constantly wonder in the back of my mind……

My promotion got extended, I get a higher rate of pay a little longer. My boss says that I’m an asset to the organization. “Are you watching Dad?”

My employee assistance program at work asked to me speak and teach others to facilitate speaking about domestic abuse. They want to send me on special training to do this, so I can help others. “Are you watching Dad?”

I met a wonderful man and we are having a challenging start. But I’m communicating with him, I’m being honest, and I’m trying to be patient; just like you always told me to. I wish you could’ve known him. “Are you watching Dad?”

I was singing with a friend’s band in a pub, and I really nailed that song. People were cheering, they think that I’m talented and pretty. “Are you watching Dad?”

A two year old awoke abruptly from her nap by a phone ringing, she was upset and crying. I held her and soothed her back to sleep. I cried silently as she slept, as tears rolled down my face I thought, “I’m good at this, I wish you could see”… “Are you watching Dad?”

I know his face will never be in that crowd again… I know that he’ll never sit down and chat with me and Prince Charming… I know that he won’t be the one to answer the phone when I call with news………….. But I hope he’s watching….

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My response to “Women are Crazy (The way to lose your female readers)”

In response to:
“Women are Crazy (The way to lose your female readers)” a blog by Opinionated Man.

http://aopinionatedman.com/2015/03/12/women-are-crazy-the-way-to-lose-your-female-readers/

I’ve been following Opinionated Man (OM) for a while now, and I have to say when I first came across this guy on wordpress, I was intrigued by his “About” tagline : “My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words”… I followed with open mind and have thus far been challenged to think and made to laugh, but never offended. I appreciate his writing which is raw in the uttmost sense of the word, perhaps not filtering to be “PC” or edited to be “accepted” to the standard of society. That’s why I like and respect this blogger.

So when I read the above article title, I thought ah-ha an outward admittance to offending my gender!, this should be good. I ended up giggling and smirking, while being entertained at this take. In humour and good jest, I chose to write a response. While OM doesn’t know me personally, I hope he takes this in the good nature in which it was intended. As I’ve only written response in humour once before, but I was fortunate that the person knew me personally.

Where OM states women “pick arguments” on purpose, I wouldn’t call what we do intentional. When we become linked to a male, we don’t automatically take on their views or opinions. The days of women being seen and not heard are over my friend, and this pretty little head has a view of her own and will certainly share as much. We’re not testing, we’re not looking to “fix” something that’s broke necessarily; we are looking to communicate. Now maybe the timing of the argument… Well… Admittedly, that could be the test portion. We are way more important than Sportscenter, just sayin’! *grins sheepishly* Admittance is the first step, right? Do we pick arguments? Perhaps not… Do we test? Most likely…

As for asking questions we already know the answer to… Can’t a girl make sure she’s on the same page as her partner? Again, communication, this is a form of it! You repeat back information you already know, in the form of a question, to make sure both parties are of an understanding. As a woman, I understand things/see things differently; I’ve learned in my life never to assume someone else (especially of opposite gender) thinks the same way that I do… Now, unless you’re talking about questions that catch our counterparts in a lie or fib; this is giving men a chance to come clean about a possible deception… Admittedly again, test… But a worthy test. Or if it’s just something we’re asking you to maybe repeat (ie. Lie, smart ass remark, etc) , admittedly yes, another test, but we’re likely seeing if you have the balls to repeat it.

OM moves on further to say that the only input women are looking for in a dialogue is “you’re absolutely right honey”; this tells me that OM is most likely married and has been here before. This doesn’t mean we do not care about your opinion or input on a topic (although admittedly it would make life easier if it were the same as ours… happy wife=happy life, right?).. I find with men possessing the stubbornness that they do, they are also difficult to sway from a decision they have already made. They are also likely to tune us out to Sportscenter if we are on a topic they have no remote interest in… But then again, it’s probably when we timed it, wasn’t it? For shame on us! LOL I’m taking your occassional grunts (that you made while tuning me out, or the head nod) as acceptance for the living room redecorating I was just talking about! Note: Women, I’ve just had an epiphany, timing is everything! Thank you OM for pointing out unwillingness to argue/debate during Sportscenter. Men, beware of this trick, your laziness or lack of interest is enabling! 😉

In his final point, I would say this is a no brainer. Of course you shouldn’t side with someone that is making life difficult for your partner. Should a woman come to you with her social or work related drama, she’s looking for you to listen and support her. She is not looking for you to fix it, or offer sympathy to a party that is wronging her. I don’t think this makes her crazy, wanting support from her man. We support you. I’m sure at some point we’ve feigned optimism as you’ve driven somewhere “taking a detour”, instead of pleading with you to stop to ask for directions… Or that we’ve brought you a beer and smiled while you spend hours assembling that entertainment unit, without the instructions, that we’ve placed plainly in your view. Maybe this is where we are crazy? But no, we are calling this supportive 😉

In closing, where men love the aforementioned old adage “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.. Is this saying that if you continue to do nothing that your communication/relationship with your woman will grow/continue to get better? I know you admitted men can be lazy, but is this the way to go? Because I’d like to retort with Einstein’s definition of insanity : “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. Who’s crazy now?

Thanks OM for the good read. As said, I hope this is taken in the nature in which it was intended. I like to poke fun at times. Cheers, waitingforprincecharming

~Still learning….

Vulnerable and happy

I’ve been through real, intense, heartbreak twice in my thirty years.. The first being the breakdown of my marriage, and the second being the breakdown of a short-lived but intense relationship with a man who promised me everything only to find he himself was not wanting the same type of life… Two times I thought I had found love, and two times I’ve been let down and disappointed.

I’ve never wanted to miss out on that chance though, the chance of finding that love and someone to share life with. While I’ve not had many opportunities for that intense love that I’ve been hoping for, I never have closed myself off to the possibility. Even at one point having decided to continue on with the life I wanted and considering having a child on my own, I thought that maybe later love would happen. There’s a difference between a thinking a relationship won’t ever happen and thinking you don’t need a relationship to happen; I was of the latter idea. But I’ve always tried to be open and vulnerable to the possibility of something wonderful happening.

It’s funny though, when I was younger, and I find many people now (regardless of age) maintain a level of being guarded in a new relationship. We’ve all been hurt and we don’t want to endure the pain and heartbreak again. Sure I’m cautious in getting to know new people of course, but I don’t have that internal struggle anymore (and haven’t for a while) that says “I don’t want to fall in love, it’s going to hurt… so not yet”. I am accepting of what I feel and when, there are no instruction manuals or acceptable timelines; if I’m going to fall in love, so be it! Because if I remain guarded, I could miss out on an opportunity for something wonderful and great…. So that is how I live… I try not to be guarded with my emotions; I’m up front, all cards on the table, this is what you’re dealing with, wearing my heart on my sleeve… Believe it or not, it has helped weed out some ill matched suitors in my past. BUT… This way that I live gives ample opportunity for me to be hurt.. I’ve always said resilience is my best quality, well, there are many reasons for that.

For the relationship I’m currently in, even with outside factors affecting the relationship (somewhat), I’ve maintained this vulnerability. This has allowed me to fall in love with this man.. But something is different about these emotions. I’ve been married, I’ve been with someone I planned to have a family with; but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this. Truth be told, this man has all the power in the world to hurt me and he doesn’t even know it. I have never looked at a relationship that way, someone having “power” over me, and have been hesitant to give that power I guess, as I’ve discussed with a friend in the past.

“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt-you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon

Prince Charming makes me feel valued no matter what; we have our struggles and can both be exasperating at times trying to relay our thoughts and feelings on alot of intense subjects. It happens when you’re in the midst of life changing events (such as divorce and custody arrangements), and starting a new relationship. Emotions are going to run high, and they may overlap at times. But we talk, he’s never told me I shouldn’t be upset about something and always validates my thoughts and feelings. Admittedly, once I’m “passionate” (again, his verbiage, I’m “passionate” NOT “a pain in the arse”) about something, I can be pretty exhausting to deal with; but he talks through it with me and hasn’t run the other way.. And well, I haven’t run away either… Life is not easy right now…

Prince Charming also has this way of looking at me. He always looks at me, almost as if he’s studying me, and as if I’m something new to behold each time. I’ve never held any man’s gaze so intently. He doesn’t know that he does this, I don’t think, but it makes me melt every time. I feel so… I don’t know… Adored perhaps is the word I’m looking for?

I look at this man and my heart swells and I smile; thinking how lucky I am… He’s seen me at my highs and lows over the past couple of years, we spend time together easily, and we make eachother laugh; I truly fell in love with my best friend. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t even thought of, but somehow, and luckily, here we are. We just…. Fit.

Prince Charming happens to come with a little sprite of a Princess as well. I have never been in a relationship with anyone with young children before. This is also a new ballgame for me, and a whole new level of vulnerability. I have a love for children and yearn to have my own someday, so I would never ever ever be guarded emotionally around a child. They should be openly nurtured and loved to build confidence, caring and help shape them into kind and happy little human beings. So I have fallen in love with this little girl as well (as she is some of the most wonderful and best parts of her Daddy) and the more time I spend with her, the deeper it goes, but will write more on that experience in another entry.

So, here I am…. Vulnerable….In love, all encompassing….and happier than I’ve ever been despite that it’s not easy….

Still learning….

Adjusting

Something about me, I’m extremely open and quite forthcoming with my emotions. So, when I have a partner, you can bet that people know that I am “taken”, “off the market”, “with someone”, etc. In fact, if I’m feeling pretty good about said relationship, I’m a shout it from the roof tops type of girl.. I’m in love, it’s wonderful, the world seems brighter, yay!

I’m finding an adjustment period though with my fella. We are transitioning from best friends to significant others (or do I call him my boyfriend? I’m over 30 now, do I have “boyfriends” at this age?). We already know most of eachother’s quirks and we still talk about everything, but I find our conversations (especially disagreements) have become more “passionate”.. Yes, passionate was his choice of wording one eve as I was exasperating him with a difference of opinion or interpretation of something. He’s so wonderful; he doesn’t say I’m a pain in the arse, I’m passionate! LOL But we communicate about EVERYTHING, and quite openly… I’ve always appreciated that about us. That transition is going wonderfully, I adore him…

Although, there is another adjustment that we are going through as well…. Slowly letting people know we are together.. Where I’m happy and feeling great about our blossoming relationship, there’s a slightly negative cloud hung over us. We are sort of soon after his previous relationship ending… There’s a perception by a few that him and I were carrying on before his previous relationship had ended (we were not)..In fact I’ve lost a few acquaintances over this. Though the people that really know me, are quite happy for me and know what did in fact happen (and not happen for that matter); I hate others having the perception that I would assist in the demise of a relationship, especially when there is a child involved (I don’t think I mentioned he has a wee one yet, have I?). But I have to remember: feelings were hurt, there was (is) pain and anger; and for those that don’t really know me, I suppose it’s easiest to think I had some involvement. It’s human nature….I hold no ill will towards anyone with this perception, nor am I aggressive or confrontational about it. It’s just unfortunate, all around…

So where there’s this new and wonderful relationship, I fear we are not able to enjoy it to it’s full potential… Yet…

There will be adjusting, not only for us, but for others as well. I know that all will be well in time; and I truly believe that something positive and great will come of this despite the negative light at first, we just seem to fit. But my mind wanders endlessly to everything the future will hold… Will his friends accept me (the ones that knew his ex)? Will his family like me? Will his ex and I eventually be able to talk? (I’m sure we eventually will have to cross paths, she’s the mother of his child, I would even say her and I were acquaintances before they split, I liked her – though at present moment we don’t talk – yes I get why)… These are the challenges we have, and things that I think about…

I guess we just move forward, and deal with what may come and try to focus on the good things. This will take strength from both of us.

Still learning…

When you know, you know

When you know, you know…. Or maybe you didn’t know yet, because circumstance couldn’t allow such knowledge….. or hell, maybe someone else knew…
As we approach Valentine’s Day, which is albeit, an overly commercialized day, but the intent is the celebration of love; I choose to share with my readers….I’m no longer “Waiting”…. Give that a minute… Think of my blog title… There we go, “ah-ha moment”, I’ve subtly brought you up to speed… I was trying to build suspense there! 😉 .. I’m no longer waiting for my prince charming, and despite some ill timing and challenges that the future will hold, I couldn’t be happier….

Now people, please know, when I created this blog and coined the term “Prince Charming”, I by no means searched or waited for perfection or royalty or wealth, or anything else for that matter that would be associated as “princely”..But I was waiting for my match; I was waiting for imperfections I could love perfectly, and someone that would do the same for me in return… I think he may have even read “To whom it may concern…”…

Prince Charming didn’t come riding in on noble steed and sweep me off of my feet, to ride off into the sunset together…. Nor was he even a viable option for romantic interest that was considered and pursued…. He was a surprise…As I’m sure I was to him….

My very best and dearest male friend, had a relationship end, and some other life changing events happen last summer…And as a support, I spent many hours talking, speculating, and trying to help him solve out some things as a sounding board to vent to.. We spoke endlessly; there were words, there were tears, there were hugs, there was consoling, and there was comfort… There was a vulnerability that made our friendship deeper….

“Uh – oh “ , you’re thinking… But no, I wasn’t poaching my best friend nor taking advantage of a situation. Nor was he transferring/projecting anything onto me during any of this. If anything was developing, I (and most likely he) was oblivious to it… At the time anyhow… And for someone who is painfully self aware, it’s funny that these emotions developed without me having a clue. Perhaps it wasn’t necessarily not having a clue, but more of a set boundary: he’s my best friend, of course I care. “It’s only him”….

Not everyone was as oblivious though….

My very astute and observant mother brought things to light…Where some may describe my mother as pushy or loud (and yes, Mother, I know you’re reading this… I’m sorry, but it’s true); I see her as straightforward and honest… She will tell you truth, whether you want to hear it or not… And sometimes without necessarily thinking about what the affect or outcome that truth may have..But that’s Mom… I’ve known her my whole life, and I’m used to this about her… And now, so are others…

Mom and I were out for a drink at a local pub when I received a text from my friend; just casual chit chat, “how are you?/what are you up to?”. He’s my friend, Mom knows him, so I told him that Mom and I were out for a drink, and if he was out and about he was more than welcome to join us… He showed up…
“There’s an elephant in the room”, my mother announced, “I want to talk to the two of you”… Thinking maybe a joke or amusing anecdote was coming, he and I glanced at eachother and smirked, “ok Mom, go ahead”…..

The sip of wine I just took almost escaped my mouth with a sputter/choke when my mother spoke next, and for a split moment I think I contemplated crawling under the table to hide, but just sat in shock… I’m pretty sure my mouth may have been open, searching for words, like a gasping cod fish (I hope this imagery suffices in relaying my shock to you)… “My daughter is in love with you… I know her and I know how she is around you…It’s love…”

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!!!…. The best relationship I’ve ever had with a man, done, gone, finished….Months of awkwardness flashed in my minds’ eye.. He’d be cool and collected at first, saying he’d want to keep the friendship and my mother’s obviously false observation didn’t bother him in the least. But there would be that awkwardness that would be there, he’d wonder if what she said were true.. Our friendship would dwindle, we would talk and see eachother less…We would become a casual “hi how are you?” when running into eachother in passing…. Damn my mother and her assumptions, she killed my friendship with someone who I had so much in common with and enjoyed having in my life… **sigh** oh well… she didn’t mean to….

He had his eyebrows raised as I think he was in as much shock of the statement as I was.. “Um… ok?”…..He looked at me… At this point I was shaking my head and looking down at the table, still mourning the destruction of our friendship in my mind; when I finally found my words again, “Mom, I don’t think…”

“I’m not done..” she continued… No chance given to protest, or to salvage my awkward friendship, how rude! She interrupted me! “You’re in love with my daughter too.. I see how you two look at eachother, you both light up when in eachother’s presence…Now I don’t know what you two will do about this, but you should at least talk about it.. That’s all I’m going to say… Now there’s not an elephant in the room anymore and you two can quit tiptoeing around this”….

Well, that’s interesting.. I continued to gape at her….

Ah, good ol’ Mom… I see this, so now everyone has to see it, I think you’re bullshitting eachother, so knock it off….. Essentially…..

I think we brushed off the conversation and continued on with the evening… totally capable of changing topic with my known charm and wit of course… until he and I were able to talk after… away from Mom…

Needless to say, we talked about it… and I haven’t lost my best friend.. 🙂 

Mental health awareness

In my quest for Prince Charming I have encountered a few suitors that have had/have some mental health issues, so this topic is near and dear to me on many levels inclusive of a way I can tie it into this blog. I also have encountered some loved ones, friends, and co-workers that are suffering. These are normal, kind, and good people that through no fault of their own are struggling through a mental battle; whether it anxiety, depression, psychosomatics, psychosis etc. The list of mental health issues is long and perhaps, endless….

There is a stigma surrounding mental health that it’s not something we should talk about openly, or most people don’t want to “burden” others they care about with their problems. Mental health issues are not something that have to be endured alone, and if the issue is important or “big” to you, someone else cares too (my point is, an issue is never “too small” to bother with)… If you know someone who is suffering, reach out to them, let them know they’re not alone and get them in touch with professionals who may help them. If you yourself are suffering, reach out; we are past the times where you “just have to suck it up”, don’t suffer in silence.

Help eachother.

If you’re reading this and residing in Canada, today is Bell’s Let’s Talk Day. Where Bell donates 5 cents to mental health initiatives for every text message or call made from Bell mobile customers, or for every tweet using #BellLetsTalk

Thank you for your time folks.