Friendship turned romance… could it work?

You ever have that one friend? You know the one; they’re the opposite gender, if you’ve been burned by their gender they are the only one you still like, they pick you up when you’re down, they tell you that men (or women) that can’t see the wonderful person that is you are idiots, they commiserate with you, they ask you advice on your own gender… You talk through relationship problems ‘til the wee hours of the morning, he’s your shoulder to cry on and purveyor of your favourite foods when you’re having a day from hell…You are like allies from two opposing camps.. You’d never hurt eachother because you can just “be” with eachother, no expectations, no let down, and neither of you is looking to get something from the other.. It’s probably your safest and healthiest relationship; because he’s your best guy friend (**or female friend; depending on reader gender) and romantically you just aren’t available to eachother.

But what if that ever changed? Imagine it, someone who knows the real you; because let’s admit it, when we meet a new romantic interest we definitely try to put our best side forward; but this friend, they’ve seen you unfiltered, the good, the bad, and they still want to be with you! What if your best friend became your love interest?

You both know what you’re getting, you already have fun together, and you know eachother’s quirks and eccentricities. You’re honest, you never developed that filter because it was alright to be open with your best friend. Maybe this could be a good thing? Or at the very least, an interesting thing!

When I’ve started dating people they were always people that I had met that had romantic interest in me right away or wanted to date.. To go from friends to lovers is an interesting and new concept to me… But maybe that’s what I’ve always needed and why nothing worked before?

Still learning….

What is love?

**sings** “Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more… What is love?”… Queue the head bop from Night at the Roxbury…… And these are the things that go through my mind when I write people… But on to the blog entry…

You meet, the world moves, sparks fly, you feel all tingly and warm, and you miss being away from them any waking minute that you are not sharing their presence…. That’s it, they’re the one, must be love… Right?
This girl isn’t convinced.. Here’s a few things I’ve thought long and hard about in my experiences and the point I’ve gotten to in life thus far… Love is great… Love can be grand… But love isn’t all roses and kittens…

1. Love is about self sacrifice. I was very guilty of this, I thought that love was putting myself second to the one that I love, self sacrifice or compromising my own needs was how I showed love. Engh, wrong! The more I’ve thought about it and the more experience I’ve gained, love isn’t about putting your partner first, it’s about knowing that you can think about yourself. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to go out there and be a jerk in my next relationship and claim that it’s all about me (though damn it, it should be!…. kidding…kind of)… No, you should definitely have consideration for and be attentive to the needs of your partner, but without sacrificing your own. Love is your partner knowing that having your needs met is important as well, and knowing that you have a safe and comfortable space with your partner to say “hey, I’m important, here’s what I need…” without any negative consequences.

2. The person you love will make you a better person. Well, this idea is so lovely; and as Jerry Maguire said; “I love you.. you complete me”, it’s so romantic and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. That’s love, right? Well, last time I checked, we were all our own individuals, all completely (well perhaps not completely) assembled on our own. Will someone additional in our lives complete us and make us better? No, I myself doubt this. BUT.. Can someone we love encourage us to grow as a person, and be a better person? Sure! I think there is a difference between someone making us better versus the encouragement of our own growth. We will go on through life and grow to become our better selves if that is what we so desire, with or without that Mr./Mrs. Right.

3. When in love you will want to do everything with that person. Well, as much as I’m sure I will adore all the time I spend with my future Prince Charming, and that we will share in some activities together, we will not share in ALL things together. Granted it’s cool to have shared hobbies, but there’s going to be things that I enjoy and there’s going to be things that he enjoys. Sometimes it’s nice to do things separate. There are relationships outside of yours that require time as well, and may not necessarily include the other person; send him/her out with friends, you do the same… Or even if you’re occupying the same space, that’s bonding! You’re not meant to be interacting and doing the same things at every turn… Quiet night at home; he’s playing video games, I’m reading a book? That is okay by me!

4. When in love we will be like bunnies in the bedroom! Now, as a female in her early thirties, I’m wishing this were true (poor Prince Charming, you poor, unsuspecting man, hehehehe)… But, love is about intimacy, and yes I know that arguably sex is an act of intimacy; though so is cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and just simple touch. Some nights “making love” in the bedroom will be holding eachother while you sleep, or sprawling a leg or arm over your respective partner. Still love!

5. To show love your partner will try to do everything for you… Well, if this is your preconceived notion, I hate to break it to you but, one, you’re what we call high maintenance, and two, love is a two way street. Love is an equal partnership; you will do just as much for your partner as they will do for you! It all comes back to #1, love is not self sacrifice.

6. When in love, the conversation should be always flowing. Well, in my experiences, comfortable silences are where it’s at. Yes, I should totally be able to talk and communicate with my partner but does every silence need to be filled? NO! Comfort and no pressure to exude idle conversation, that’s great, and that’s love! And just imagine, the smoldering looks you can give/receive during those comfortable silences that could lead to some #4! Er wait, my point about #4 was not where I should’ve been going with this LOL.

While ultimately we all have our own definition of what love is, love is very romanticized and portrayed as perfection, while really it’s just working through and tolerating imperfections that fit with your own imperfections.
This girl jokes about the perfection that her future Prince Charming will be, but in reality, I’m hoping for some of the above.

Still learning…

The one who came before…

before me
When we venture around the earth and enter into these dating/relationship/romance realms, what is it that we all have? A heart? Yep, it’s an organ, pumps blood. Perhaps not always in the emotional sense of the word though…. An expectation? Yeah probably, we have an idea of what we’re looking for or why we want a partner, sure… A pulse? Well, hopefully, otherwise this would be a different type of blog and what you’re doing is illegal (LOL)…
What we all have that I’m talking about is…. A past.

We are not all clean as fresh fallen snow, and at this stage in life (well at least at my age) we’ve at least had one experience of having our heart ripped out of our chest, thrown to the ground, and stomped on; I don’t use this analogy bitterly but more so to relay the intensity of the feeling…
We are going to make a comparison to those that happen in our present, and in our futures; we are human and it’s going to happen naturally and not through any fault of the new person in our life. AND, we are going to have to deal with the fact that with that wonderful new person in our life that someone in fact did come before us. Shocking, I know… Why can’t the human race have reserved someone especially for us that hasn’t had to endure their own special brand of crazy with another, or have dealt with a previous heartbreak, or have dealt with a prior jaded individual?…”Excuse me please, powers that be: I’d like this one reset to factory default settings please”…

The above is not going to happen, accept it, life happens… Not only for you, but for them too. So, we meet Mister or Miss Wonderful, and they are just.. well.. wonderful! And then the thoughts creep in… “The one who came before me”…Let’s talk about this, shall we?

It really works from both sides; let’s start with ourselves and our comparison to those who came before our Mister or Miss Wonderful. I’d really like to think we take our people from our past as a positive, learning experience; even if it’s as simple as “that was what I don’t want”. So you will spend time with the new person in your life, and your mind with creep back to “Mister or Miss Ex, used to do this..” or “I didn’t like it when they did…” or “I liked it when they did…. and Mister or Miss Wonderful reminds me of them in that way…”..Now while these are all normal and naturally occurring thoughts, and you could probably use them to help your new relationship (or potential relationship) grow; DO NOT and I mean DO NOT, voice these comparisons aloud. Your new interest will likely not appreciate it, no matter how constructively you pitch it. It’s quite probable that you will share stories of exes, and things you’ve done, that’s one thing; you’re telling your new interest things about your life (which happened to include someone else at one point). But, you don’t need to voice anything comparatively.

Now, how about our own thoughts about the “one that came before”? I honestly can’t comment for men on this factor, so if any male reader would care to comment their opinion, I’d be grateful; but I know women are horrible for this. As a woman, I am my own worst critic, and at times this can carry over into a new (or potential) relationship. You’re enjoying yourself with the new Mister or Miss Wonderful and then the thoughts creep into your mind: “did he/she do this with her/him?” or “did he/she enjoy this more with her/him?”.. or even “will he/she want the same things with me that he/she had with her/him?” Again, probably normally occurring thoughts, we do think about the pasts of people we’re with, and as said, can be our own worst critics or compare ourselves. Though, I’m thinking we probably shouldn’t voice our own personal comparison either. Because #1, confidence is attractive, and if we’re comparing ourselves to the one before us, that’s not really exuding confidence at all; and #2, Mister or Miss Wonderful is probably not even making that comparison that you are nine times out of ten…

When things are new, these comparisons are normal… But they should fade.. If things go well with this wonderful new person in your life, you will nurture things enough that you make eachother feel valued.. Maybe even valued enough that your mind won’t wander to worrying about the past and have you more focused on the present and future.

I have a past, you have a past, they have a past…. But let’s not let our own or their past get in the way. We were there, we hopefully learned from it, and let’s face it “the one who came before” is a past for a reason.

Still learning….

Disposable Love

My heart swelled, I was dressed in white, and tears flowed down my face as I whimpered and worried about causing my pristine make up to run… “I’ve known him a long time, you don’t have to cry hon, he’s not that bad of a guy”, my best man quipped at me, trying to make me laugh and stop crying. I was going through one of the most defining moments of life, that’s why I was crying! I was getting up in front of family and friends and declaring that I found that one special person that I loved and wanted to spend my life with. In that initial moment, before I walked down that aisle with tears in my eyes towards my husband-to-be, I had the whirlwind of life flashing before my mind’s eye. I saw us, our home, our vacations, our children, our holidays, and us sitting on our porch in rocking chairs surrounded by our grandchildren. Life was set, I was embarking on the next chapter, I had found THE ONE.

Now as you’ll notice from the title of this blog, the above scenario did not have the expected outcome. And furthermore, if you’ve read other entries in this blog you will find nothing worked out even close to anything I expected or desired.

When I got married, I said I’d only ever do so once.. This was with the impression that the marriage that happened once, lasted.. I still stand by the only ever getting married once, as I’m not sure I’ll be able to be convinced otherwise..(although I’m only being a realist here, not a pessimist…ultimately, you never know). But I never expected to be in this circumstance; married and divorced before 30. Funny though, isn’t it? That is usually the first thing that someone going through a separation or divorce will say; “I never thought I’d be going through this”… Well of course we didn’t think that, none of us would marry! If you EVER thought you’d be going through the difficulty, challenge and frustration that is a separation/divorce we would all be running in the total opposite direction of any potential future spouse, perhaps waving goodbye to them on the way (from an absolute safe and cautious distance!).
But in enduring my own experience and watching many (and sadly, I mean MANY) people around me experiencing dissolution of long term relationships; I’ve noticed a saddening difference and I do not know how to coin the comparison other than perhaps generationally.

I look at my parents’ generation, and even the generation before. When marriages happened, they tended to continue. Now, by no means were all of these marriages/relationships rainbows and roses. But I notice a decline from this in my own generation and generations that are following after me; it seems that everything is viewed as so DISPOSABLE now. I was raised that in a relationship you have communication, if there’s a problem: you express it, talk about it, and try to come to a means of resolution or compromise. But a relationship was work, you worked at it, and you worked at it because you love eachother. Life isn’t always going to be easy, but you should at least be standing as a united front in life. The key point of being united, is that you both have to want it.
Unfortunately in the dissolution of my own marriage, we didn’t share the whole “united” deal. I accepted accountability in my relationship, what I could do to help and what I had done to hinder. I communicated this, and wanted to move forward. While he was happy to have me accept all accountability and have no admittance to any issue on his part. Well folks, if a boat is sinking, there’s better chance of survival with two people bailing water, than just one; isn’t there? So, with the numerous issues we had, and only one wanting to do the work, my marriage met its watery demise.

I look around me and notice in my age bracket that there are those before me and many after me are experiencing the same idea (much, much different issues, lifestyles, and circumstances perhaps; but the same idea). Relationships are now viewed as so disposable. It’s no longer, “you played your part, I played mine, let’s accept responsibility and figure out what we need to fix to move forward (together); we love eachother enough to do this, right?”… I now see alot of “well, he/she did this, and while I love them, I don’t see any other way of this working out”….. Both of these statements have the word “love” in them but which one really portrays the ideal of love?? Has love become so skewed that it’s now disposable or undervalued? What is our definition of love? There’s different kinds of love, which one is it that we are now all getting into these long term relationships with? Or is it common practice that people seem to have romanticized love so much that if it’s not easy and wonderful all of the time that it’s not worth it? I’m confused with these values and interpretations.

Mind you, if your relationship STILL doesn’t work after an effort or attempt at working at it; I would not classify that as “disposable”. My point in this entry today is NOT to say if we’ve chosen that one person stay with them even if they make you miserable or you find you’re not compatible. Sometimes we do just find the wrong people for us and build on a different kind of love, it happens, and that’s not a bad thing. But the lack of trying I’ve experienced and noticed around me just flabbergasts me.

I am now shudder at the possibility of a “loving relationship” for fear of how love is viewed. I do not view it as disposable, but it seems that quite a few do! And I hear that it’s getting worse, I listen to younger generations and their relationship gripes (I know, I know; alot of people talk to me about relationship trials and problems…. Yeah, that’s right, talk to the SINGLE chick about relationships; she must know what she’s doing! LOL), and it’s scary what love/commitment means now! For my future (if I ever get around to having any) children, I am petrified what marriage will look like to their generation and the generations after them. Will futuristic great, great grandchildren be sitting around in future races of instantly gratified and spoiled people saying “wow, can you believe when my great, great, grandmother was alive, they had these ceremonies and a piece of paper that meant you had to be with ONLY one person like for more than when the great sex and fun times ran out?? As if! Who would do that, if it wasn’t easy and wonderful, how could you even bother with keeping it?!”

I could be looking at this harshly friends, but I’d love to generate discussion. Disposable love, is it a commonality now? Like everything else in this world, even materialistically, perhaps “it’s just not built like it used to be?” What are your thoughts? What’s worth it?
Myself; I’m a flawed individual, I’m not perfect, I’m human…(and albeit a little difficult and stubborn—and I will note not to refer any potential partners to reading my blog now, hahaha)… Therefore, am I going to have a problem at some point in a relationship, will there be mistakes made? HELL YES. Unavoidable I’m afraid, but with this new (and seemingly common) perspective of love being so disposable, I fear if I will find what I’m looking for.

Still learning….

Bad luck

I sat down today to write an entry and my initial thought was to change this blog’s name from “Waiting for Prince Charming” to “The Idiot Men that I Meet and the Horrible Luck I Have in Love”…. Then I slowly backspaced thinking, “well, that sounds a bit negative and jaded”, not my normal personality or view on things.  I expressed to a few friends that I’m struggling with a positive spin lately; to which the general consensus response was a resounding “you’re allowed”.

Life isn’t always roses, and we all know by reading this blog that my love life is definitely not roses…I think at this point I couldn’t even call it dandelions.

I am running out of things to learn in dating and romance, or at least I’m at a plateau at the moment due to lack of activity (more learning will come at the next step I’m sure, if and when I get there)… Other than learning where to meet “Mr. Right”, I’m pretty sure that I’m just coasting at the moment.  I’m not overly trying to put myself out there, nor am I really looking.  I’m still focusing every day on the universe to “put out that good energy” and let the world know that I’m ready for good things and come what may.  But am I signing up to dating sites? (this seems to have highest success rate I’m reading).. Nope…

I really do think though that it can just be summed up to crappy luck.. I am a good person, I’m a good communicator, I’m straightforward, honest, kind, loving… I learn from every experience I have and I do take knowledge and apply it.

When others look at a single person they automatically think “why are they single?” or “what’s wrong with them?” But sadly, some of us just have rotten luck.  We have not been at that right place at that right time yet.  Love can be affected by many things, life, learning, karma; but timing is the bitch.  Pardon my language.. Well no, actually don’t pardon my language.  I type in this blog how I generally speak; and yep, bad luck and timing being a bitch; pretty sure those are my problems.  As you’ll read in my past blogs, I’m usually pretty good with my words without resulting to a profanity, but it’s that kind of day.

So, followers; my apologies for the negative seeming post, but this is life, this is me.  RAW.. Emotion filled.  All in all, life is good, I love myself; but my luck in romantic love is for the birds.. I’m allowed to not always be positive, I’m allowed to vent, heck, I can even sulk if I want to.  But today’s post does not come with anything learned, or something that I’ve found within myself, or even a provoked thought.  But I’m really not being negative, I’m being honest.

I continue on with my life and passions, and the thought of having someone to share it with some day just seems to get farther and farther away.  I’m getting used to that idea, and I almost feel healthily resolved to being alone.. And I’ve heard everything; “oh it’ll happen”, “when you stop looking that’s when you’ll find it”, and my personal favourite which I don’t know why it irks me so to hear “you’re young and still have lots of time”.  Now, people who relay these wonderful sentiments of comfort to me, really do have the best of intentions, and I appreciate what they’re trying to impart – that all will be ok. And you know what? I know I’ll be ok, regardless, whether partnered or single, life will not end, it will go on, and good things will still happen.  But I’m not concerned about my age, or continuing to have patience with the universe;  I’m concerned about what I wanted in my life and what I feel I was meant to do.  I have love to give, I have passion, I have romance; all to share.. but with whom?

Tomorrow I will learn, tomorrow I will look at the possibility of not being alone, tomorrow I will reframe.   But today, luck is horrid and timing is a bitch.

Not to worry though, I shan’t be changing this blog’s name.. “Idiot Men that I Meet and the Horrible Luck I Have in Love” does not roll off the tongue as nicely as “Waiting for Prince Charming”.

Still learning….

Dating in modern society….

Image

“The power of attraction”… “What you put out to the universe is what you get back”….”Like attracts like”… “Be the relationship that you wish to have”….I’m not sure what other attraction phrases and/or clichés to include in here.  I’m not sure if Prince Charming caught the memo on any of these statements because I’ve totally been exemplifying everything that I’ve wanted in a relationship in my day to day life, and even in my non-romantic relationships… And well, this blog is still entitled “Waiting for Prince Charming”.

All of these above ideas I view positively.  I’m a good person, I communicate openly and honestly, I express interest in a person when I have it, I try not to leave people guessing when it comes to “does she or doesn’t she like me”, I’m warm and pleasant when I like someone; these are the things that I put out into the universe and I hope that the universe returns some semblance of these in Prince Charming.  But I received quite a shock today in an article I read about the “ugly truths about modern dating” and things that one should get used to while dating in today’s society.  This article has pretty much taken everything I thought in the above and tossed it out of the window and basically told me I’m doing everything wrong. One point that it expressed was, don’t express interest, the one who expresses the interest “holds less power in the relationship”.  I’m not a freakin’ politician vying for votes in a constituency, or a military looking to gain border in a country; if I wanted “power” the last thing I would be looking for would be a romantic PARTNER (partner indicating equality; not boss, not underling… partner!). This saddens me if this is where society is heading and I’m afraid I’m going to be single forever at this rate. 

Another point that it demonstrated is the avoidance of “labelling”; now sadly in my dating life I have run into numerous men that were not wanting to label anything.  This is sad truth that I’ve encountered has lead me to incorporate new terms into my vocabulary; I’ve gotten to learn the difference between “seeing someone” (going through the motions of spending time together, dates, maybe even sleeping with eachother, but God forbid exclusivity), “dating” (dating, maybe you’re exclusive that could be open for discussion, but we’re not in a serious thing), and “together/with someone/having a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc” (a committed and exclusive relationship).  Unfortunately because I’ve allowed these new terms in my vocabulary, I have had less and less of the last term, shame on me for conforming to society on this one.  But because people are so conditioned to these different definitions, they are so flexible to non-committed relationships and because of their involvement in them less and less, they have become petrified of them.

This article also focused alot on new societal mannerisms due to technology and social media.  Have people really become so blasé about the importance of human contact and respect for one and other because of the ease of this technological age?  For instance, a point that was made was texting.  We have all become so reliant on the instantaneous communication that we’ve adapted to being able to cancel plans with people last minute because there’s less of a commitment now, you can catch someone at any moment to cancel; therefore people have become flaky.  Also to do with texting, people have become reliant on it that things such as actual voice conversations have become a thing of the past for the most part.  I can agree that I’m a happy little texter, alot of my job involves being on the phone so I’m not always a big talker on the phone.  BUT, if I want to have a conversation with a potential mate or an intimate conversation with my partner, I want to hear their voice, you can tell what someone is feeling, if they’re making a joke, if they’re serious, hurt, happy, etc.  Texting has no intonation and you can read no emotion out of it.  Alot of miscommunication happens via text messaging as words and context can be easily misconstrued.  Texting has also fed into the possible “psychological warfare” of the power struggle that was mentioned before.  I can be cool and aloof and not seeming over eager, and play this game by maybe not returning your text for a few hours, or even days.  Come on, really?!  Well the way I look at it, this is rude.  Texting is so simple and can be viewed as a positive for communication, and you know what?  It takes seconds. You’re not interested? Fine by me, don’t text!  But to use this as a game? Nope, I’m not buying it.  If I don’t measure up enough in your priorities to warrant 30 seconds of your precious time to return a text, I’ll assume you’re not interested.  Now, I get it, life is busy and things like work, socializing, people interaction, happens where one can’t be constantly on their cell phone.  But to go days? Not acceptable.  I’ve unfortunately been lenient on this one; Mr. “I Knew Better” was horrible for this at times not returning texts for days, but I knew damn well he pretty much always had his phone with him.

So these new societal norms of dating, how did they start?  How did they become popular?  Do these at all seem appealing?  I read them over and was flabbergasted (yes I used the word flabbergasted, but I’ve been assured this isn’t why I’m single lol)…. Two schools of thought that I have on this.. 1 – there are enough people that have been put through the proverbial ringer when it comes to love and just met enough shitty people out there that when this uncool behaviour was exemplified they just went “meh, I won’t rock the boat, I’ll accept that this is how it’s going to be”… 2 – there are enough jaded people out there that don’t believe in love or relationships in the true sense (or at least the true sense how I believe it), and have wanted to build this protective bubble around themselves to not be vulnerable or open themselves up to hurt in any way that they just start using this jerky behaviour that doesn’t really cultivate anything worth while…  Either way, I object!!!!  I am not “getting used to these ugly truths of modern dating”, I decide what my truths are!  Any of you reading this blog, you decide what you accept in your relationships and dating, you make your own “truth about dating”.  So please one by one people, if we can’t change the societal norm (or what I fear may yet become societal norm), we can make the change in our own lives and rise against this movement of jerky behaviour that’s poisoning the dating world and cultivating only self serving (instead of mutually serving) relationships! You can make the difference!  I have a dream, that one day….. Oh wait, someone has done a similar speech….

Anyhow people, we allow ourselves to be treated the way that we are, and set our standards for what we accept.. and what we won’t… I’m putting out into the universe positivity, warmth, and honesty; and hoping a get this in return…and power isn’t going to even be a concern when Prince Charming comes along… That’s my truth about dating in modern society; take it or leave it universe, society, whomever..

Still learning….

Daddies and their daughters

Well friends, I apologize, but you’re going to get an emotionally driven post… But this post is moreso directed at the Daddies out there, specifically those that have daughters. Now, where I know that if you’re a parent, you already know all this good stuff, but it at least makes me feel useful to impart some knowledge and experience that was gained from losing my father.   It’s been a rough year, but writing is my therapy, and where it helps me, maybe it can do something for you.

All of you Daddies out there that have daughters, know that you are her first love, she’s always watching you, and you will be the measure for how she relates to men.

Whether she’s two years old in something pink and frilly, a teenager going on a date, or a grown woman going out for a night on the town; when she shows you her outfit, smile and tell her she’s beautiful. A woman should always feel pretty, and she’s going to gauge that smile coming from any man that comes into her life, and know whether it’s sincere or not.

If she takes interest in a sport, wants to go fishing or wants to help you fix the car; teach her how to do these things. Teach her how to do anything that she asks, there are no such things as gender roles. And you know what? She’s going to be wonderfully independent and not need to depend on a man, this hopefully helps her find a man that treats her well, as he’s someone she wants, not someone she needs.

From the minute she toddles into the room while you’re playing your records (yes I’m dating myself here), don’t shoo her away from the turntable for fear of her moving the needle.  Show her your interests, show her the movies and music you love.  You get to be her first exposure to culture, show her what you love and she may like it too.  Or she’ll at least become well rounded enough to see vast tastes and choose her own.

Be the man that supports his family and shows her what it means to care for others that we love in our lives.  Show her the work ethic and that you provided for her, because you love her, and want to give her the best start to succeed.

Treat the women in your life well.  Afterall, she is going to gauge how she allows a man to treat her as she sees you treating women, and this will be the template that shows her what is “okay” and acceptable behaviour.  Does it necessarily mean that you’re together with her mother?  No, but it does mean that you show respect and common decency towards women.

Daughters always watch their Daddies….You’re going to shape her friendships, her loves, and her family.

It’s coming up on a rough time of year for me; I lost my Daddy a year ago (almost) now, and I think of all the values I still strive to look for in my male relationships and whereas I haven’t had much luck yet, it’s given me a wonderful standard to measure against… And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Still learning….