Heart v. Mind

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client though technically an organ that circulates blood through a being, is an entity all of her own. She’s been battered and broken, and is well versed in the art of self first aid; which may perhaps cause some reckless behaviour when it comes to her own safety.

So when the plaintiff, that resides approximately one foot above my client, stated that her actions were perhaps not a good idea at present time, they were met with numerous objections, justifications and nothing consistent other than the following facts/claims:

She found a part of herself in another, which she had never thought possible.

Her old wounds and scars ached less in the presence of this other.

She wanted to dress his wounds and help him heal his own brokenness.

She glowed and was vibrant again.

He held her, despite the ugliness of some of her scars.

He looked at her in such a way as if she was something to study and be in awe of.

She loved his imperfectness, perfectly.

The plaintiff argued the timing was wrong, the other was too newly broken, it was too soon, and there were challenges; and while my client agreed completely and totally, when she tried to refrain it felt as if she was cutting off her own breath. My client tried to stifle her breath and live differently, sadly, regretting, and missing a possibility; all for the sake of timing, and this appeased the plaintiff briefly.

The defence (my client), will state to you today, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that you will judge her and that is alright. She has battled the plaintiff, and has considered his pleas. She has worked jointly with the plaintiff to consider all possible outcomes and all aspects that may be involved. But she stands before you to say : life is too short, and we don’t know what tomorrow will bring; please don’t begrudge me the possibility of happiness.

The defence rests…..

Still learning….

A fiction piece: United in battle

She knew there was a pending battle and she had come prepared; she had arrived armoured ready for the pending clash… No she wasn’t fighting against him, she was fighting with him; a united front.  They moved forward together facing torment, uncertainty and obvious pain.  She pulled him to her to harbour him from being wounded; but also pushed him away to save herself.  The battle ensued; they protected yet endangered eachother at once.  Confusion struck a heavy blow, with love and pain combine.  There was no winner here…The battle was pointless, it had to end….

 

His eyes welled with tears as he helped remove her armour; she winced at her vulnerability.. Her body was badly marred with wounds, some that could not be seen.  In morning’s sunlight, his fingertips traced her body, studying her form intently..He covered every wound of her body and soul with hot breath and sweet, healing kiss..He grasped her and pulled her to him, enveloping her in strength and safety; she sighed and relaxed in his embrace.. The battle still waged, as they clung to eachother, defenceless…

She looked up and saw him just staring at her..deep into her eyes. She pulled him tighter and he winced from a wound she had not noticed and he had tried to conceal. She goes to speak but can’t find the words…instead she stares back…not a word is said aloud but yet an entire conversation is held in silence as they gaze into each other’s eyes.

 

Suddenly they are interrupted by the flames in the distance…another battle approaches.  She sighs and defeatedly smiles as she then pulls away to reach for her armour lying heavy on the ground.  He gently grasps her hand and stops her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, softly running his fingers through her hair…he smiles at her and she knows at that instant what he is thinking.  She smiles back before reaching up to his shoulders and gently undoing the clasps on his armour. She then runs her hands down his torso, undoing the clasps at his sides.  He shrugs the heavy armour off as his hits the ground with a heavy sound. The sound seems deafening against the silence shared between them. They look off towards the approaching battle before returning their gaze to each other. She goes to speak, but he grabs her, pulling her in to a passionate kiss that seems to last an eternity.  The two then separate…look into each others eyes, clench their hands tight around their bloodied swords and then turn, in unison, standing side by side, ready to face the next battle…no more armour…not defenceless…but determined…

 

As they gazed at the approaching battle in the distance; she glanced over at him…His beautiful dark eyes were intent on the horizon, and his angled jaw that had always been soft to her touch or lips, was now set and steeled..  Her heart swelled; she knew he’d fight so hard, but she also knew he would be wounded less without her.

They moved a step forward; and she felt a harsh burn, she inhaled sharply trying hard to conceal the pain that crippled her, and she faltered, taking to her knee.  He moved to swooped down to lift her, and she pushed his hand away.  He looked at her confused, with hurt evident in his soft, soulful eyes; shaking his head.  She glanced back at him, half smiling to hold back her tears and nodded.  She was telling him to go on without her.

She stood on unsteady legs and removed the sash from her undergarment; she swiftly tore the linen cloth into strips and dressed the wound he had tried to conceal from her.  But she knew it was there; she knew this man, she sensed he was injured without words; she knew his mind, his heart, and his body.  As she tied the final bandage, she slowly knelt and struggled with his heavy armour that was previously strewn.  She helped with shaking hands redress her soul’s counterpart, fastening the clasps around his torso.  She stood back from him to admire him; so strong, so determined but there was a sadness now resting behind his eyes.  She gave him a smile and looked toward the approaching battle and looked back to him, her eyes pleading him to go.  Stepping toward him, onto her toes, her face tilted up towards his and their mouths met; she kissed him hard, she kissed him as if she never would again, she kissed him to pour all of her energy into him; she was kissing him goodbye.

She stepped back, and looked toward the horizon, not wanting to look back at him again..Not wanting to plead without words that she needed him…Hesitantly he moved away from her, but then with strengthening resolve continued to walk away from her toward the battle.  She watched him go.  She had sent him forward; she had sent him forward with her hope, with her strength, and with her love; in essence he would never be without her.

She fell to the ground… Her sash she had used to bandage him was all that was keeping pressure against her mortal wound; crimson soaked through the linen at her torso, life’s blood warming to touch enveloping her quickly cooling body.  She laid down and stared up at the sky; listening to her own heartbeat slow and breath become ragged.  In distance, all of a sudden there was silence; the battle was over.

He was safe; she could let the darkness take her.

A poem: Medieval Battle

dragon-fight-knight

An older poem that I wrote when my marriage ended…

The dragon has returned/ I pull my sword to fight/ The blade will not unsheath/ I try with all my might/ Defenseless I try to run/ Yet my feet only stand still/ The dragon smirks in triumph/ He knows I’m at his will/ My heart renders me useless/ Unable to return attack/ I think in mind he knows this/ But he fails to hold back/ Defeated I remove my breastplate and cast it to the ground/ The dragon turns away not wanting to finish the round/ I scream out in frustration “kill me, tis what you want!!”/ The dragon but still walking turns slightly to show taunt/ I crumple to the ground/ My sword can now unsheath/ I think now “until next time”/ But know I am niave/ Because I know that dragon/ Without his fire and bite/ Is someone who was special/ He used to be my knight..

A poem: I Got This

A commonly used catch phrase now, right? Confidence, independence, assurance, all in three little words.. Sometimes used in arrogance. But an all encompassing, I can handle this.

I had a wise friend a long time ago ask me when they were trying to figure out why I was single “you don’t depend on anyone do you? do you ever think a man should do for you? take care of you?”.. To which I responded, “well, I take care of me”.. I never knew where he was going with that..I came back to him after thinking about it and said “I take care of me, and I would take care of him..I haven’t met anyone strong enough to give that up to yet”…. “I get it now”, he said.. “That’s what you’re missing”…

I reflect on this conversation every now and then, as it was a while ago. To love we have to be vulnerable in every sense I suppose. It’s an interesting concept. But at least it inspired a poem 🙂

“I got this” she said as the tears rolled down her face,

She had just told her husband he had to leave their place.

She knew what she had needed, and gave all she had to give,

He wasn’t her protector, it was no way to live.

“I got this” she said when she tried to love again,

A wounded man with no emotion didn’t help her pain.

Again not what she needed, it didn’t hurt this time,

Another story ended with no reason or no rhyme.

“I got this” she said when she tried to let him in,

He was playful, he was funny and he always wore a grin.

He made her laugh and tried to care, but she knew it couldn’t be,

He wasn’t hers for love and this she could really see.

“I got this” she said when she met a man,

She told him that she loved him and he never ran.

He made her feel safe, he tried to share and dream,

A man she thought to “have this” or only so it seems.

“He’s got this” she thought as she watched him sleep,

She smiled as she thought I’m his: to have, to hold, and keep.

She never thought it possible, she could let someone give,

Her protector she was looking for, now this is how to live.

“I got this” she said as she hung up her phone,

She wasn’t what he wanted, again she’s on her own.

She got angry that she let him see her in her weakened state,

After caring so long for others she thought him worth the wait.

“I got this” she inhaled as she looked up to sky,

Life has left her pained but she is too old for why.

She knows her wounds will heal and will rebuild her heart,

And someday give it to someone who will not tear apart.

“I got this” she said.

A poem: The Gift

gift

I wonder who can handle me, or who will ever see;

I cannot offer stars or moon, I can only offer me.

This isn’t something small or slight, it is quite a prize;

Love and soul possess me, just look into my eyes.

You may see my passion, or a soul of old;

You may see a vibrant light, or a distant look of cold.

But if you try to look deeper, into my soul’s abyss;

You may come to understand me, and the hunger in my kiss.

I have loved much and deeply, and had it unreturned;

To this day my soul is calling, for which it always yearned.

A soul that calls to mine, and relishes in love;

A gentle hand and strong resolve, to place my heart above.

An equal to share life with, and grow in many ways;

Someone who follows promise, and actually stays.

So when you glance upon me, please remember this;

There is much more to me, than a body or a kiss.

I wonder who can handle me, or who will ever see;

I have a wondrous gift to give, it is the gift of me.