When there’s a child…Am I doing this right??

I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone that has young children before; most men that I’ve dealt with had children of a teenage or adult age if any at all. So having a young one around alot of the time, I have to say, is an exciting new experience.

Having always wanted children myself, I love having a 2 (soon to be 3) year old around. She’s fun to play with, read stories to, watch movies with, and I can’t even tell you what all “pretending games” we play (I’ve played numerous characters, explored many places, and eaten the most interesting things). Without going through pregnancy myself; I have still gotten to reap the benefits of a squealing child jumping with excitement to see me after having been away on a trip, the mimicking of my movements and mannerisms, the cuddling and falling asleep during movies, and the crawling into my arms only wanting to be comforted by me when hurt or scared. Life is blissful with a child in it, even though not my own.

Then there’s that…. She’s not mine….I treat her like my own, in that I love her, would give her anything she needs and her safety and wellbeing is my number one priority. But she’s not my own, and there’s a boundary that I try to work hard at as to not blur. I am not her father’s wife, I guess I would be just called the “girlfriend”; so I’m not sure that I’m exactly what you would call a “stepmother”, I really don’t know? All I can attest to being is someone else in her life that loves her.

Things like disciplining I hand over (gladly I might add, as she’s developing the wonderfully tyrant personality of a toddler only child) to her father; and also defer to him on most decisions that begin with her asking “can I have…”… Though being a wonderfully bright child, after hearing “no” from her father she most certainly will come to me in hopes of a different answering; which is the same as her father’s ———it’s best to relay this united front/parenting/whatever it is while she’s young, hopefully that sticks with her as she becomes older.

I am also very clear to maintain the not sleeping with me boundary. As a little girl that started off life with alot of attachment parenting values being used in her upbringing, she still co-sleeps at the moment. So at night, if I happen to spending the night at her father’s while she is there, she is in Daddy’s room and me, I’m in a spare room. Which I get, co-sleeping is to be with a parent, I am not her parent. Though it’s heartbreaking to tell a child “no” when they say goodnight to you and pout or cry “but can’t I sleep with you?” To avoid this though, I’m more often not there when there is overnights with the wee one.

I feel as if I’m fumbling through new territory, as I’ve never done (or had to do) any of this before. Each day with her is a new experience, which I absolutely love and adore, but am nervous at the same time! I hope I’m doing this right.

What are some others’ experiences out there? Stepmoms? Girlfriends? Loving and caring adult figures? I’d love to hear thoughts and opinions based on your experiences.

Hoping I’m the best that I can be for this little girl..

Still learning….

Normalcy, or something close…

Well, I know I haven’t been on here in a long while, in truth I didn’t know what to write or how to write about it.

They say time makes all the difference, and as I look back on posts earlier in the year I am happy to say that yes, yes it does.

Life with Prince Charming is becoming normal, or at least our version of “normal”. Things I worried about before, such as hiding aspects of us because we were attempting to be sensitive to an emotional situation, have passed. People are moving forward with life and trying not to hold onto bitterness, which I am grateful for, because I’m here to tell you life is too short. I can even have brief conversations with his ex during child pick-up/drop offs; we’re civil and both adults, almost pleasant and never unnecessarily rude. This makes me think positive, as I want the wee one to see all of the adults in her life that love her at least get along. There’s hope! I am even trying to interact more with his family, and allow them to get to know me, because I really want us to get to know eachother. I’m really not that bad. Plus I really want to be the best person that I can be for not just myself now, but this man and his little girl. He makes me insanely happy, and well, I make him pretty darn happy too! I’d love for his family to see and realize this. And, from what I’ve gotten to know of whom I’ve met so far, I think we could get along just fine and even share common interests/ground. More time will tell, they’re adjusting.

Prince Charming and I pretty much operate as a normal couple these day, and for the most part people (other than a few minor annoyances) are accepting. It’s happened… A marriage didn’t work, both parties have moved on to others that make them happy, and yes, everyone involved has the best interest of the child in mind. There is life after separation/divorce!

There have been growing pains in this relationship, no doubt. And we have outside circumstances that affect us, in the form of closure and arrangements from his marriage. But we communicate with eachother and always talk through it, always checking in how the other feels, and what we can do to help eachother.
I think I’ve found my “happy ever after”, which has thus far come in the form of happily splitting my life between two homes, mine and his. As I truly consider “home” where I reside, but also where he (and his sweet little girl part of the time) live.

That’s my brief update for now. More to come and I will try to get on here more now that I can articulate things that have happened/are happening. I think we’re finding our rhythm. 🙂 

Still learning…