Easter hiccup

Easter weekend was the weekend that Prince Charming and I were to attend our first family dinner with his family.. I was incredibly nervous.. Pick a stigma about being the first girlfriend after an ex-wife and I’ve experienced it, the Prince and I have had to work through alot. So needless to say, I was worried about being judged or compared against the ex-wife, or just plain being unaccepted or not given the chance during this family gathering. But I was prepared! I was to come bearing sweets, wine, and to just be my charming self… I’ve already made my mark on previous difficult in-laws and challenging mothers of Momma’s boys (not that Prince Charming is a Momma’s boy, but overbearing mothers are a partner’s biggest challenge was more my point), having them fall in love with me and developed some wonderful relationships with parents of ex-partners.. So figuring this was my best friend, I’m already known to some of his family, it’s evident that I love him and treat him well and given his ex-wife is being a tad bit difficult in the whole divorce process; I thought I was being silly perhaps, and shouldn’t worry as much… They would totally see how wonderful I was! Just being in our presence, you can see how well I get along with and love my Prince and Little Parrot.

Prince Charming and I were to be hosting at his house, putting on dinner for his daughter, his folks, his sister and brother-in-law. I was already in planning mode, gently coaxing the Prince for what I could make, bring, cook, etc… I love entertaining! And this was a huge step for us, our first family function! I was looking forward to it immensely.

Then Thursday came….. and the hiccup….

His mother called, there was a scheduling issues which would turn out to be more feasible to host dinner at his folks’ place….

“And oh, by the way… Could we just have the family this time?..I’m not ready for someone new yet”…..

Prince Charming had to relay to me his conversation with his mother…My worry about being judged, or not given a chance just punched me in the stomach.. I felt ill…I started crying.. Another challenge or obstacle, this time from the people who love my guy the most and who were supposed to support him.

Then I went from tears and sadness, to feeling angry! As if the line had been drawn in the sand.. I now had an enemy and someone I had to steel myself against…I have met this woman in passing before, and she seemed sweet, but now to me, she was the wicked witch of the west! That’s how I felt at the time anyway… I don’t even think I’d uninvite someone who was acquaintance, let alone someone a family member deemed important enough to them to invite in the first place.

Prince and Little Parrot went away to family Easter dinner without me.. I was a ball of emotion between sadness and anger. I had hoped Prince Charming would have a chat with the Wicked Witc… I mean, his mother…

He did… Apparently she needed time to mourn his ex, and was well aware of how he, I, and his daughter function together as our own little unit; she wasn’t ready to see that for a prolonged period of time yet (she spent a few hours with us a couple weeks prior, which I thought went pretty darn well myself). How my Prince puts it is: “I wouldn’t have received a fair chance at acceptance yet”. But he relayed to his mother how important I was to him, and that I’m not going anywhere (that’s my man!).

But now… When I eventually do get to this whole family thing with his side, how do I not have the first impression of being “unwelcome” in the back of my mind? She hurt me… I couldn’t believe it happened (and in truth, Prince Charming couldn’t either)…. I’m not saying I hold grudges, but I never forget things… and sometimes I have trouble letting go of things that bother me… things I have to work on I guess.

So.. I suppose I just smile, like there’s no hard feelings? The bottle of wine and Easter card I sent in my absence should relay that I hope? I’m trying not to have hard feelings at least.. I just pretend it didn’t happen? Yes, yes, I’m well aware I can’t refer to her as the Wicked Witch of the West… She’s probably not a bad lady, she did produce something pretty wonderful afterall (her son)… She just hurt me, though probably not intentionally (I hope).

More time needed for everyone… Just because Prince Charming and his daughter are comfortable and ready to move forward, doesn’t necessarily mean everyone else in life is. I guess I just expected a chance, as that would be supporting Prince Charming and his happiness; but not all think the same way and have that definition of “support”.

I am with him, not his family… And him and I are good! But it sure makes life easier when your significant other’s family at least tolerates you. I have to admit, this past weekend did make me feel a tad bit defeated….

Now to just get past this….

Still learning….


12 comments on “Easter hiccup

  1. Wow, I never thought about that aspect of it..from “their” side…I don’t have kids and I know my family will be ok with seeing someone new, since my ex treated me so badly when he left. I have not met his family yet either. Sheesh. I totally understand your feelings. You can not control theirs nor their actions. Just be yourself and be happy with your prince.

    • I understand (somewhat) in retrospect…but it’s tough to let go of for me…but I’ll work on it..And in the meantime, my prince and I are great 🙂
      Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment…

  2. He went without you!?!? I don’t blame you for being hurt! He picked you…sorry if his family isn’t “ready” for that. ugh.

    • Well yes, he had to take his daughter to see her grandparents…
      It was really a no win situation for him all around, because I was angry at first about him going…but now I get it…
      Just another obstacle, we’ll get through it, as he said, I’m not going anywhere 😉
      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment..

      • I’m sorry. I know it’s a tough situation for everyone involved in a divorce situation. I’ve never had to go though something like you just did.

        I guess I’m just a jerk but I wouldn’t allow that. If someone’s family asked them to pick between family or me (especially on a holiday that I’d been looking forward to) and he didn’t pick me….buh bye. Again, guess I’m a jerk.

        Although, just food for thought, we teach people how to treat us by what we are willing to put up with. What did he and his family learn about how to treat you this Easter? 😦 I’m not trying to be mean! I’m hurt for you. I can’t imagine….

      • I very much agree with most of what you mentioned above….but I’m also empathetic to all of the changes everyone is dealing with…do I think it was handled in the best way? No….do people makes mistakes in judgements on how to handle new situations? Yes…..
        I’m chalking it up to that (and hoping)…
        It has also promoted alot of conversation between my partner and I, who has asked me to trust him in that he handled it…
        Time will tell, I guess…
        I don’t see you as mean or being a jerk, I felt everything you said…I just have to try to keep moving forward and see if my trust is well placed.

  3. Her: The Other Woman says:

    You named it a hiccup…that’s all it will be…hiccups go away in time. If it continues, you will know what you are available for…and what you are not available for. How he handles it will tell you. Trust your gut…if he truly is prince charming, you will know 😉 You are loved!

  4. Whenthingsgosouth says:

    I understand why you feel hurt but knowing your prince charming’s family I can tell you that they are doing this for the right reasons. His mom is a very loving person and gets attached and she still hasn’t come to terms with everything that happened. Having been in this situation recently I can tell you to give her the time and things will work out wonderfully. I can also tell you that having been in that situation I myself there needs to be a bit of a grace period for the family stuff after all these things go down and once that is over… the ability to just be and have them accept everything without consequence will be worth it.

    TLDR, hang in there… you just need to give them some time.

  5. CrazyHairMom says:

    I have been there. Even after 11 years of marriage I am still not valued by my husbands family other than by his sisters family. I am not ex wife number one or ex wife number two. If I ever told my stepsons that their girlfriends were not allowed at a family function then they would have said then they were not coming. I have never been brave enough to uninvite. I just deal with it and move on. Having a grown som that has had many fiances I can understand the not being ready for someone new. But I have never refused to let him bring another woman to my home. I have always been polite and open minded. I would say it doesnt mean the mother is a bad person. But it soeaks loads about her manners. I find it rude that you were not invited. I have had to attend many family functions with ex wives. And while we are not friends we have been polite for family family functions. I find it worrisome that he agreed to his mothers terms at all.

    • Well, I try to be empathetic to all emotions involved. I don’t believe her to be a bad person, I’m honestly thinking she didn’t realize how that might affect me. Or know how seriously her son thinks of me..
      I think in time, things are starting to smooth over a bit.
      Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

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