Are you watching Dad?

Note: This is a sad post for me. It’s that time of year folks, where you will get some emotional outpour/drivel from me. But bear with me, I write through it.

“Are you watching Dad?” She plays in her magic sand and wants to make sure her Daddy is watching her as she carefully packs sand into the mold that he used moments before to make her sand castle.

“Are you watching Dad?” She’s rolling a ball of play dough after happily announcing that she’s making a dog, just like theirs that is sitting at Daddy’s feet.

“Are you watching Dad?” She wriggles, jumps and runs around in circles while music plays on the television, triumphant that she is dancing with her Daddy.

Prince Charming has an adorable little daughter, who is two and a half years old. I am blessed to be able to spend a bit of time with them each week. It’s an honour that he shares something so precious with me, as he himself is adjusting to not having his daughter living with him full time. Time with his daughter is little/rare by his standards, so I consider this a brilliant gift. I adore watching them grow together, father and daughter, building a great bond. Actually, the more time I spend with them, it makes me reflect more on my own relationship that I had with my father.

Those who know me (and even those who have read this blog) know I am such a Daddy’s Girl. I totally cherish the relationship I had with my father, we were so close. He was (and always will be) my hero and the man I looked up to the most in my life. To the day he died, I knew I had him wrapped around my little finger (and I don’t say this as a spoiled brat kind of thing; I mean he loved me that much, and I knew it!). I hope to help nurture and encourage that type of relationship with Prince Charming and his little one. He adores her, and she is his pride and joy. She’s a toddler at the moment, so she is always asking him “Are you watching Dad?”. A little girl eager to impress her Daddy, and to make him proud. She’s reaffirming with him that she’s accepted, loved, and noticed. I’m not sure we ever grow out of that.

I remember (vaguely) as a young girl asking the same question of my Dad. Whether dancing and twirling around the living room… or carefully placing the needle on the record to make it play a song (yes, I’m dating myself here)…or riding my bike without training wheels…Things that would make Dad proud and happy; I just had to make sure he was watching.

As an adult, I quit asking Dad out loud if he was watching… But I know when I got up to perform in community theatre, my first scan of the audience when I took the stage was for his face…. When I deflected that shot on goal or stole the ball in slide tackle during soccer, he was at that game…..When I went to college and got a certificate, I made sure to show him….When I started rebuilding my life after a divorce, he was there for that and talking me through it…. I always in the back of my mind, wanted to make sure that he was watching, and that I was making him proud.

Tomorrow marks two years since my father passed away. In those two years I still hope, and wish to make him proud. I constantly wonder in the back of my mind……

My promotion got extended, I get a higher rate of pay a little longer. My boss says that I’m an asset to the organization. “Are you watching Dad?”

My employee assistance program at work asked to me speak and teach others to facilitate speaking about domestic abuse. They want to send me on special training to do this, so I can help others. “Are you watching Dad?”

I met a wonderful man and we are having a challenging start. But I’m communicating with him, I’m being honest, and I’m trying to be patient; just like you always told me to. I wish you could’ve known him. “Are you watching Dad?”

I was singing with a friend’s band in a pub, and I really nailed that song. People were cheering, they think that I’m talented and pretty. “Are you watching Dad?”

A two year old awoke abruptly from her nap by a phone ringing, she was upset and crying. I held her and soothed her back to sleep. I cried silently as she slept, as tears rolled down my face I thought, “I’m good at this, I wish you could see”… “Are you watching Dad?”

I know his face will never be in that crowd again… I know that he’ll never sit down and chat with me and Prince Charming… I know that he won’t be the one to answer the phone when I call with news………….. But I hope he’s watching….

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6 comments on “Are you watching Dad?

  1. SwittersB says:

    Very sweet, poignant….and he is watching!

  2. zombiedrew2 says:

    I agree, very sweet post.

    My oldest is definitely a daddy’s boy, and a few years ago he took up cross country running at school, which really shocked me because he has no interest in sport or athletics. When asked why he did it, he said it’s because he knew that I did cross country when I was younger.

    My parents are both still around, but my grandmother died a few years ago. She was very influential in my life, and I still imagine how she would respond in certain situations and the things she would say. She still gives me advice, though now it is me thinking through “what would grandma say”.

    • Thank you for sharing, that’s lovely. I must admit, Dad still gives me advice much the same that your Gran does for you… I think I’m made up of enough of him that I can answer pretty accurately, it’s comforting almost.

  3. Fathers and daughters… Such a special bond. I lost my father 7.5 yrs ago and not a day goes by I don’t think of him. Our fathers are with us always. Yours is watching you and is proud of perseverance. Indulge yourself in all the moments you need during this time. I certainly do when June rolls around. Xo

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