When you know, you know

When you know, you know…. Or maybe you didn’t know yet, because circumstance couldn’t allow such knowledge….. or hell, maybe someone else knew…
As we approach Valentine’s Day, which is albeit, an overly commercialized day, but the intent is the celebration of love; I choose to share with my readers….I’m no longer “Waiting”…. Give that a minute… Think of my blog title… There we go, “ah-ha moment”, I’ve subtly brought you up to speed… I was trying to build suspense there! 😉 .. I’m no longer waiting for my prince charming, and despite some ill timing and challenges that the future will hold, I couldn’t be happier….

Now people, please know, when I created this blog and coined the term “Prince Charming”, I by no means searched or waited for perfection or royalty or wealth, or anything else for that matter that would be associated as “princely”..But I was waiting for my match; I was waiting for imperfections I could love perfectly, and someone that would do the same for me in return… I think he may have even read “To whom it may concern…”…

Prince Charming didn’t come riding in on noble steed and sweep me off of my feet, to ride off into the sunset together…. Nor was he even a viable option for romantic interest that was considered and pursued…. He was a surprise…As I’m sure I was to him….

My very best and dearest male friend, had a relationship end, and some other life changing events happen last summer…And as a support, I spent many hours talking, speculating, and trying to help him solve out some things as a sounding board to vent to.. We spoke endlessly; there were words, there were tears, there were hugs, there was consoling, and there was comfort… There was a vulnerability that made our friendship deeper….

“Uh – oh “ , you’re thinking… But no, I wasn’t poaching my best friend nor taking advantage of a situation. Nor was he transferring/projecting anything onto me during any of this. If anything was developing, I (and most likely he) was oblivious to it… At the time anyhow… And for someone who is painfully self aware, it’s funny that these emotions developed without me having a clue. Perhaps it wasn’t necessarily not having a clue, but more of a set boundary: he’s my best friend, of course I care. “It’s only him”….

Not everyone was as oblivious though….

My very astute and observant mother brought things to light…Where some may describe my mother as pushy or loud (and yes, Mother, I know you’re reading this… I’m sorry, but it’s true); I see her as straightforward and honest… She will tell you truth, whether you want to hear it or not… And sometimes without necessarily thinking about what the affect or outcome that truth may have..But that’s Mom… I’ve known her my whole life, and I’m used to this about her… And now, so are others…

Mom and I were out for a drink at a local pub when I received a text from my friend; just casual chit chat, “how are you?/what are you up to?”. He’s my friend, Mom knows him, so I told him that Mom and I were out for a drink, and if he was out and about he was more than welcome to join us… He showed up…
“There’s an elephant in the room”, my mother announced, “I want to talk to the two of you”… Thinking maybe a joke or amusing anecdote was coming, he and I glanced at eachother and smirked, “ok Mom, go ahead”…..

The sip of wine I just took almost escaped my mouth with a sputter/choke when my mother spoke next, and for a split moment I think I contemplated crawling under the table to hide, but just sat in shock… I’m pretty sure my mouth may have been open, searching for words, like a gasping cod fish (I hope this imagery suffices in relaying my shock to you)… “My daughter is in love with you… I know her and I know how she is around you…It’s love…”

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!!!…. The best relationship I’ve ever had with a man, done, gone, finished….Months of awkwardness flashed in my minds’ eye.. He’d be cool and collected at first, saying he’d want to keep the friendship and my mother’s obviously false observation didn’t bother him in the least. But there would be that awkwardness that would be there, he’d wonder if what she said were true.. Our friendship would dwindle, we would talk and see eachother less…We would become a casual “hi how are you?” when running into eachother in passing…. Damn my mother and her assumptions, she killed my friendship with someone who I had so much in common with and enjoyed having in my life… **sigh** oh well… she didn’t mean to….

He had his eyebrows raised as I think he was in as much shock of the statement as I was.. “Um… ok?”…..He looked at me… At this point I was shaking my head and looking down at the table, still mourning the destruction of our friendship in my mind; when I finally found my words again, “Mom, I don’t think…”

“I’m not done..” she continued… No chance given to protest, or to salvage my awkward friendship, how rude! She interrupted me! “You’re in love with my daughter too.. I see how you two look at eachother, you both light up when in eachother’s presence…Now I don’t know what you two will do about this, but you should at least talk about it.. That’s all I’m going to say… Now there’s not an elephant in the room anymore and you two can quit tiptoeing around this”….

Well, that’s interesting.. I continued to gape at her….

Ah, good ol’ Mom… I see this, so now everyone has to see it, I think you’re bullshitting eachother, so knock it off….. Essentially…..

I think we brushed off the conversation and continued on with the evening… totally capable of changing topic with my known charm and wit of course… until he and I were able to talk after… away from Mom…

Needless to say, we talked about it… and I haven’t lost my best friend.. 🙂 

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13 comments on “When you know, you know

  1. zombiedrew2 says:

    Congrats are in order I suppose. Emotions are funny things, but a lot of it is mental. Sometimes simply being open to something allows it to happen.

    I have to say though, your story does nothing to dissuade me from my belief that for people with partners, close friendships with members of your gender of preference are a bad idea. You can be friends, but you need to be careful with how much you open up to each other. Because it’s really the act of opening up to each other that allows feelings to grow.

    • Thank you for the congratulations!
      This is definitely a new experience for me, as I don’t think I’ve ever been friends with someone before having romantic involvement; I’m told this is odd, but it’s true…
      I’m not sure that my story would dissuade me from my belief that you can still have a close friendship with a person of your desired gender, though I absolutely understand your feelings with the stance you take (as I know you’ve written about this before) and how my story reads. BUT! And an emphasized BUT at that, I will agree with you that you do need to be careful what kind of things you share with that friend; as there are things that I would deem only appropriate to discuss/share with my partner versus a friend (though I don’t necessarily think that means you can’t be close with that friend, I guess it all depends on our own personal definition of “close”, mine may be different than yours and vice versa). The level of what you share and vulnerability can definitely lead to feelings growing if cultivated. And, I may even venture to say that it could be dependent on the gender of the person doing the sharing, though that is a different can of worms lol
      Although, all experiences are different and all individuals are unique, I can’t say I would “lump” everyone under such a specific rule or idea… But perhaps some common threads?
      Thank you for reading and also, taking the time to comment 🙂

      • zombiedrew2 says:

        Actually my stance only applies when you are in a relationship already. In my mind, once you are in a relationship you owe it to your partner not to put yourself in a position where feelings could start to develop with another person.

        When you’re single? No problem at all. If something leads somewhere (and you want it to), great. If not, then that’s fine too.

        As you said, it’s the level of what you share and vulnerability that can lead to feelings. People just should be conscious of that.

        In any case, hope you have a great valentines day.

  2. KG says:

    Congratulations 🙂 Very glad to hear that.

  3. thrallex says:

    So this is what you’ve been up to, congrats :). I completely agree with Drew. I also have some experience in the matter that a third party may have exposed you to, ha.. Ha.. Fml.

    Anyways! You can’t expect to keep all aspects of your relationship, if you truly were best friends before… You really can’t be anymore.. Well except in the “best friends” aspect. We all think it, we all get caught up in the romantic notion. But if you want it to work out you need to be able to trust someone neutral as your sounding board (and same sex, or that will spawn all sorts of turbulence). It’s one thing to listen to each other’s problems and relate them to your own, it’s another when they involve the other party. Things will change, be ready and don’t hold on to everything you had and you will be more accepting of the new things you gain. That was long winded but I wish the two of you the best of luck :).

    • Thanks thrallex!
      And whoever may that have been that has sounded relationship stuff off of me? :-p (Lol, regardless I’m here for you buddy)
      And while it’s definitely different, it’s odd, we do try to keep “best friend” status and talk to each other about everything still (even if it involves each other); it is challenging and take a special type of understanding… But we will learn together I guess 🙂
      Thanks for reading and commenting hon, hope you are well!

  4. Mom says:

    You know I would never say “I told you so”…..But…….
    And I’m neither pushy or loud….everybody knows that!

  5. […] wonderful I was! Just to being in our presence, you can see how well I get along with and love my Prince and Little […]

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