What is love?

**sings** “Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more… What is love?”… Queue the head bop from Night at the Roxbury…… And these are the things that go through my mind when I write people… But on to the blog entry…

You meet, the world moves, sparks fly, you feel all tingly and warm, and you miss being away from them any waking minute that you are not sharing their presence…. That’s it, they’re the one, must be love… Right?
This girl isn’t convinced.. Here’s a few things I’ve thought long and hard about in my experiences and the point I’ve gotten to in life thus far… Love is great… Love can be grand… But love isn’t all roses and kittens…

1. Love is about self sacrifice. I was very guilty of this, I thought that love was putting myself second to the one that I love, self sacrifice or compromising my own needs was how I showed love. Engh, wrong! The more I’ve thought about it and the more experience I’ve gained, love isn’t about putting your partner first, it’s about knowing that you can think about yourself. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to go out there and be a jerk in my next relationship and claim that it’s all about me (though damn it, it should be!…. kidding…kind of)… No, you should definitely have consideration for and be attentive to the needs of your partner, but without sacrificing your own. Love is your partner knowing that having your needs met is important as well, and knowing that you have a safe and comfortable space with your partner to say “hey, I’m important, here’s what I need…” without any negative consequences.

2. The person you love will make you a better person. Well, this idea is so lovely; and as Jerry Maguire said; “I love you.. you complete me”, it’s so romantic and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. That’s love, right? Well, last time I checked, we were all our own individuals, all completely (well perhaps not completely) assembled on our own. Will someone additional in our lives complete us and make us better? No, I myself doubt this. BUT.. Can someone we love encourage us to grow as a person, and be a better person? Sure! I think there is a difference between someone making us better versus the encouragement of our own growth. We will go on through life and grow to become our better selves if that is what we so desire, with or without that Mr./Mrs. Right.

3. When in love you will want to do everything with that person. Well, as much as I’m sure I will adore all the time I spend with my future Prince Charming, and that we will share in some activities together, we will not share in ALL things together. Granted it’s cool to have shared hobbies, but there’s going to be things that I enjoy and there’s going to be things that he enjoys. Sometimes it’s nice to do things separate. There are relationships outside of yours that require time as well, and may not necessarily include the other person; send him/her out with friends, you do the same… Or even if you’re occupying the same space, that’s bonding! You’re not meant to be interacting and doing the same things at every turn… Quiet night at home; he’s playing video games, I’m reading a book? That is okay by me!

4. When in love we will be like bunnies in the bedroom! Now, as a female in her early thirties, I’m wishing this were true (poor Prince Charming, you poor, unsuspecting man, hehehehe)… But, love is about intimacy, and yes I know that arguably sex is an act of intimacy; though so is cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and just simple touch. Some nights “making love” in the bedroom will be holding eachother while you sleep, or sprawling a leg or arm over your respective partner. Still love!

5. To show love your partner will try to do everything for you… Well, if this is your preconceived notion, I hate to break it to you but, one, you’re what we call high maintenance, and two, love is a two way street. Love is an equal partnership; you will do just as much for your partner as they will do for you! It all comes back to #1, love is not self sacrifice.

6. When in love, the conversation should be always flowing. Well, in my experiences, comfortable silences are where it’s at. Yes, I should totally be able to talk and communicate with my partner but does every silence need to be filled? NO! Comfort and no pressure to exude idle conversation, that’s great, and that’s love! And just imagine, the smoldering looks you can give/receive during those comfortable silences that could lead to some #4! Er wait, my point about #4 was not where I should’ve been going with this LOL.

While ultimately we all have our own definition of what love is, love is very romanticized and portrayed as perfection, while really it’s just working through and tolerating imperfections that fit with your own imperfections.
This girl jokes about the perfection that her future Prince Charming will be, but in reality, I’m hoping for some of the above.

Still learning…

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