Well, the weekend was a fun one and interesting one. I actually got out and exercised one of those social life things. Even got to spend some time with an ex of mine that I actually have kept as a friend (for some reason having exes as friends is a rarity for me). But it’s really great when aspects of my past get along with present people in my life; for example “Mr. Wrong” had a lovely poker game with the sister of “Mr. I Knew Better”. I do tend to get myself into the most interesting situations, though this one in particular caused a bit of a giggle as I noticed similarities between two men that I’ve dated who just happened to be in the same occupation (I’d hate to say I have a type and I’ll argue that I don’t; but I’m admittedly a sucker for a guitar player, but I think I’ve almost gotten that out of my system).
Mr. Wrong has read this blog, and the entry about him in particular, and sees this exactly for what it is; about me, not the men. Although, sometimes I do digress on tangents when annoyed with actions of the romantic interest(s) in my life, this writing is about me and learning about what I’m looking for and how to find it, as well as mistakes I make, where I can improve; all self analysis. We actually got the chance to discuss this quite candidly, and poor bugger does let me be brutally honest and I as well accept his honesty in return. “How’s the writing coming along and incidentally the love life?”, I proceed to share about “Mr. I Knew Better”, and the fact that I’m slightly annoyed with him. I continue to lament that I just don’t seem to attract the type of men to me that are looking for something worthwhile. “Well, what’s your type? You must have one..Musicians?”, he asks with a broad grin. I grumble and then swat at him while laughing, claiming to not have a “type”. I then proceed to advise him that though both men in conversation are musicians they are as different as night and day; he opened the door for comparison afterall..Your stage personas are different… your personalities are different (one is extroverted, while the other is introverted)….one blonde, other brunette….one is taller… they both have different playing styles…”you must have a type, a trait that I have and that others you have dated possess as well”, he pushed….. Can any of you discuss your relationships this candidly with an ex, inclusive of what makes you incompatible with them?
Light bulb moment… “well you’re passive, that used to drive me nuts…and wait…”Mr. I Knew Better”, also passive”…. A trait I like about Mr. Wrong, he’s self aware and can discuss himself openly..Please keep in mind readers, I’m not having a conversation with an ex-boyfriend and insulting him, he’s passive, and he knows it; and passivity isn’t necessarily a negative, it’s a personality trait….I could chronicle my entire dating/relationship life with that one trait, passive. Passive is my complete polar opposite; aren’t opposites supposed to attract or balance eachother or something? That’s the common trait I announced, I seem to attract passive men. “Ah, but do you attract that to you, or do you look for it?”.. Ah, Mr. Wrong, how I’ve missed this aspect of you, always pushing the conversation to make me think.
I sit quietly reflecting.. No… When I meet men initially, I would have no idea they’re passive..In fact the two men that we initially started comparing in our conversation (himself included) had both approached me in the whole dating thing, not really a passive trait. And I certainly don’t enjoy passive personalities nor would want one as a partner; I like equality, someone able to voice things, has a mind they express; a strong personality if you will. I don’t wish to be the dominant/stronger personality; I want an equal playing field, or maybe even someone a tad bit stronger than me. So I definitely wouldn’t say I look for passive. But having a willing candidate in conversation, I thought I’d take the opportunity to ask, “what attracted you to me?”.
I was told I’m an attention getter.. I’m not sure I liked the sound of that, that sounds like someone who’s very showy and has to be centre of things; that’s not quite me.. Don’t get me wrong, I adore attention, I do; probably why I take to the stage at times…But “attention getter” was a term that made me think of trying too hard for the “look at me” appearance. He then explained it didn’t necessarily have to do with appearance; but that I possess a strong personality and spirit, a trait that he has been attracted to in most of the previous women he has dated also… He’s also single at this point, so I’m not sure that these specific opposite traits attracting worked for him either..
So, now I have some information, that is somewhat new in realization to ponder.. now what do I do with it? Ask a guy upon meeting, “excuse me, but would you call yourself a passive person?”.. I’m not sure how this knowledge is going to benefit me, but I’ll find a way for it to.