Well, the weekend was a fun one and interesting one.  I actually got out and exercised one of those social life things.  Even got to spend some time with an ex of mine that I actually have kept as a friend (for some reason having exes as friends is a rarity for me).  But it’s really great when aspects of my past get along with present people in my life; for example “Mr. Wrong” had a lovely poker game with the sister of “Mr. I Knew Better”.  I do tend to get myself into the most interesting situations, though this one in particular caused a bit of a giggle as I noticed similarities between two men that I’ve dated who just happened to be in the same occupation (I’d hate to say I have a type and I’ll argue that I don’t; but I’m admittedly a sucker for a guitar player, but I think I’ve almost gotten that out of my system).

Mr. Wrong has read this blog, and the entry about him in particular, and sees this exactly for what it is; about me, not the men.  Although, sometimes I do digress on tangents when annoyed with actions of the romantic interest(s) in my life, this writing is about me and learning about what I’m looking for and how to find it, as well as mistakes I make, where I can improve; all self analysis.  We actually got the chance to discuss this quite candidly, and poor bugger does let me be brutally honest and I as well accept his honesty in return.  “How’s the writing coming along and incidentally the love life?”, I proceed to share about “Mr. I Knew Better”, and the fact that I’m slightly annoyed with him.  I continue to lament that I just don’t seem to attract the type of men to me that are looking for something worthwhile.  “Well, what’s your type? You must have one..Musicians?”, he asks with a broad grin.  I grumble and then swat at him while laughing, claiming to not have a “type”.  I then proceed to advise him that though both men in conversation are musicians they are as different as night and day; he opened the door for comparison afterall..Your stage personas are different… your personalities are different (one is extroverted, while the other is introverted)….one blonde, other brunette….one is taller… they both have different playing styles…”you must have a type, a trait that I have and that others you have dated possess as well”, he pushed…..  Can any of you discuss your relationships this candidly with an ex, inclusive of what makes you incompatible with them?

Light bulb moment… “well you’re passive, that used to drive me nuts…and wait…”Mr. I Knew Better”, also passive”…. A trait I like about Mr. Wrong, he’s self aware and can discuss himself openly..Please keep in mind readers, I’m not having a conversation with an ex-boyfriend and insulting him, he’s passive, and he knows it; and passivity isn’t necessarily a negative, it’s a personality trait….I could chronicle my entire dating/relationship life with that one trait, passive.  Passive is my complete polar opposite; aren’t opposites supposed to attract or balance eachother or something? That’s the common trait I announced, I seem to attract passive men.  “Ah, but do you attract that to you, or do you look for it?”.. Ah, Mr. Wrong, how I’ve missed this aspect of you, always pushing the conversation to make me think.

I sit quietly reflecting.. No… When I meet men initially, I would have no idea they’re passive..In fact the two men that we initially started comparing in our conversation (himself included) had both approached me in the whole dating thing, not really a passive trait.  And I certainly don’t enjoy passive personalities nor would want one as a partner; I like equality, someone able to voice things, has a mind they express; a strong personality if you will.  I don’t wish to be the dominant/stronger personality; I want an equal playing field, or maybe even someone a tad bit stronger than me.  So I definitely wouldn’t say I look for passive.  But having a willing candidate in conversation, I thought I’d take the opportunity to ask, “what attracted you to me?”.

I was told I’m an attention getter.. I’m not sure I liked the sound of that, that sounds like someone who’s very showy and has to be centre of things;  that’s not quite me.. Don’t get me wrong, I adore attention, I do; probably why I take to the stage at times…But “attention getter” was a term that made me think of trying too hard for the “look at me” appearance.  He then explained it didn’t necessarily have to do with appearance; but that I possess a strong personality and spirit, a trait that he has been attracted to in most of the previous women he has dated also…  He’s also single at this point, so I’m not sure that these specific opposite traits attracting worked for him either..

So, now I have some information, that is somewhat new in realization to ponder.. now what do I do with it?  Ask a guy upon meeting, “excuse me, but would you call yourself a passive person?”.. I’m not sure how this knowledge is going to benefit me, but I’ll find a way for it to.

Still learning….


6 comments on “Revealation

  1. Wow! Great revealation! It’s so important to know the similarities between the people you attract/are attracted to. It’s very common for strong, independent women to be comfortable around passive men because they like doing things for themselves and likewise these men like women that can do things for themselves because they don’t necessarily like doing things. Excuse me while I get coachy here: but how/what can you change in your energy that will allow in a stronger type guy (if that’s what you want)?

    btw, my husband plays the guitar in a band and performs and he’s a nice, family guy – so are many of his bandmates.

    • I have very much pondered your coaching tip, Dina (and please, no pardon required for being coachy, I am all about self improvement, and in writing in a public forum about something so personal, one can’t help but expect opinion or advice)…Where I am strong, I do very much like to “hand over the reigns”, so to speak.. I do like being the woman and “looked after” in some ways, and I do try to express that in my relationships…
      I am still learning upon first meeting to try and let things be done for me (having dates paid for, doors opened, etc..)… But I very much try to encourage, and positively enforce (wrong word, but reward) joint decision making or decision making in general…
      Something more to think on for me I suppose for what other ways I can improve on the change in my energy…
      And your comment about the musician in your life is nice to hear, since I seem to have a somewhat penchant for guitar players, haha.. This was moreso an attempt at humour on my part, I think I’ve only dated two… While, maybe three…ok, 4-5 if I REALLY thought about it… lol
      Thank you as always for reading and commenting Dina 🙂

  2. Samantha O'Dell says:

    We are drawn to people who have qualities that we would like to possess. My question for you is: “Who chased whom?” Did these passive fellas seek you out because they wish they were more outgoing? Or were you the assertive one in establishing the relationships? My thought is that you might be better suited to the guy with the boisterous laugh, whom everyone is circled around at a party and who won’t be chasing you at all. You may have to find clever ways of getting his attention, and no doubt you can! You just need to find him first :/

    • Seemingly in (most) cases, I have been pursued… But I’ve also attempted to pursuing as well… Difficult balance..but in either circumstance, the outcome has been the same…
      Interesting view though, and thank you so much for reading and sharing your opinion and thoughts 🙂
      I’ll try to be clever, haha

  3. Mark Slinn says:

    ok, did I mention that I play guitar, because I don’t remember, lol, and I wouldn’t say that you’re an attention getter, rather a “head turner”, which is based solely on your extremely good looks. Anyways, I very much enjoyed reading this first part, and I see there’s more, so light reading before bed, may very well be good for me. I would say it’s analytical but not obsessive. I have a mother, two sisters, and three daughters, so I know all women will analyze their love life.
    It’s like talking to yourself, just be careful you don’t start answering.
    Well, ok, answering is ok, just be sure it’s your own voice. 🙂

    • I’m well aware that you’re a guitar player my dear boy, lol..
      Thank you for the compliment, you’re way too kind..
      I’m all about self analysis and improvement, but having so many women in your life I hope I don’t bore you with my thoughts lol
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting Mark 🙂

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