Dating in modern society….

Image

“The power of attraction”… “What you put out to the universe is what you get back”….”Like attracts like”… “Be the relationship that you wish to have”….I’m not sure what other attraction phrases and/or clichés to include in here.  I’m not sure if Prince Charming caught the memo on any of these statements because I’ve totally been exemplifying everything that I’ve wanted in a relationship in my day to day life, and even in my non-romantic relationships… And well, this blog is still entitled “Waiting for Prince Charming”.

All of these above ideas I view positively.  I’m a good person, I communicate openly and honestly, I express interest in a person when I have it, I try not to leave people guessing when it comes to “does she or doesn’t she like me”, I’m warm and pleasant when I like someone; these are the things that I put out into the universe and I hope that the universe returns some semblance of these in Prince Charming.  But I received quite a shock today in an article I read about the “ugly truths about modern dating” and things that one should get used to while dating in today’s society.  This article has pretty much taken everything I thought in the above and tossed it out of the window and basically told me I’m doing everything wrong. One point that it expressed was, don’t express interest, the one who expresses the interest “holds less power in the relationship”.  I’m not a freakin’ politician vying for votes in a constituency, or a military looking to gain border in a country; if I wanted “power” the last thing I would be looking for would be a romantic PARTNER (partner indicating equality; not boss, not underling… partner!). This saddens me if this is where society is heading and I’m afraid I’m going to be single forever at this rate. 

Another point that it demonstrated is the avoidance of “labelling”; now sadly in my dating life I have run into numerous men that were not wanting to label anything.  This is sad truth that I’ve encountered has lead me to incorporate new terms into my vocabulary; I’ve gotten to learn the difference between “seeing someone” (going through the motions of spending time together, dates, maybe even sleeping with eachother, but God forbid exclusivity), “dating” (dating, maybe you’re exclusive that could be open for discussion, but we’re not in a serious thing), and “together/with someone/having a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc” (a committed and exclusive relationship).  Unfortunately because I’ve allowed these new terms in my vocabulary, I have had less and less of the last term, shame on me for conforming to society on this one.  But because people are so conditioned to these different definitions, they are so flexible to non-committed relationships and because of their involvement in them less and less, they have become petrified of them.

This article also focused alot on new societal mannerisms due to technology and social media.  Have people really become so blasé about the importance of human contact and respect for one and other because of the ease of this technological age?  For instance, a point that was made was texting.  We have all become so reliant on the instantaneous communication that we’ve adapted to being able to cancel plans with people last minute because there’s less of a commitment now, you can catch someone at any moment to cancel; therefore people have become flaky.  Also to do with texting, people have become reliant on it that things such as actual voice conversations have become a thing of the past for the most part.  I can agree that I’m a happy little texter, alot of my job involves being on the phone so I’m not always a big talker on the phone.  BUT, if I want to have a conversation with a potential mate or an intimate conversation with my partner, I want to hear their voice, you can tell what someone is feeling, if they’re making a joke, if they’re serious, hurt, happy, etc.  Texting has no intonation and you can read no emotion out of it.  Alot of miscommunication happens via text messaging as words and context can be easily misconstrued.  Texting has also fed into the possible “psychological warfare” of the power struggle that was mentioned before.  I can be cool and aloof and not seeming over eager, and play this game by maybe not returning your text for a few hours, or even days.  Come on, really?!  Well the way I look at it, this is rude.  Texting is so simple and can be viewed as a positive for communication, and you know what?  It takes seconds. You’re not interested? Fine by me, don’t text!  But to use this as a game? Nope, I’m not buying it.  If I don’t measure up enough in your priorities to warrant 30 seconds of your precious time to return a text, I’ll assume you’re not interested.  Now, I get it, life is busy and things like work, socializing, people interaction, happens where one can’t be constantly on their cell phone.  But to go days? Not acceptable.  I’ve unfortunately been lenient on this one; Mr. “I Knew Better” was horrible for this at times not returning texts for days, but I knew damn well he pretty much always had his phone with him.

So these new societal norms of dating, how did they start?  How did they become popular?  Do these at all seem appealing?  I read them over and was flabbergasted (yes I used the word flabbergasted, but I’ve been assured this isn’t why I’m single lol)…. Two schools of thought that I have on this.. 1 – there are enough people that have been put through the proverbial ringer when it comes to love and just met enough shitty people out there that when this uncool behaviour was exemplified they just went “meh, I won’t rock the boat, I’ll accept that this is how it’s going to be”… 2 – there are enough jaded people out there that don’t believe in love or relationships in the true sense (or at least the true sense how I believe it), and have wanted to build this protective bubble around themselves to not be vulnerable or open themselves up to hurt in any way that they just start using this jerky behaviour that doesn’t really cultivate anything worth while…  Either way, I object!!!!  I am not “getting used to these ugly truths of modern dating”, I decide what my truths are!  Any of you reading this blog, you decide what you accept in your relationships and dating, you make your own “truth about dating”.  So please one by one people, if we can’t change the societal norm (or what I fear may yet become societal norm), we can make the change in our own lives and rise against this movement of jerky behaviour that’s poisoning the dating world and cultivating only self serving (instead of mutually serving) relationships! You can make the difference!  I have a dream, that one day….. Oh wait, someone has done a similar speech….

Anyhow people, we allow ourselves to be treated the way that we are, and set our standards for what we accept.. and what we won’t… I’m putting out into the universe positivity, warmth, and honesty; and hoping a get this in return…and power isn’t going to even be a concern when Prince Charming comes along… That’s my truth about dating in modern society; take it or leave it universe, society, whomever..

Still learning….

Advertisements

11 comments on “Dating in modern society….

  1. The signs of social decay are all around us.

  2. thrallex says:

    Its a sad state when you have to ask yourself if by not being a tool you are doing it all wrong. The problem with the attitudes in that article are that they spread like the flu. It came into play so fast and unless you can get ahold of someone with old school values (before they catch the flu).. you will be forced to conform yourself… or just be shut off to the person you are with and do your own thing.. which either way will end poorly.

  3. You go girl! Any of those behaviors are unacceptable and if that’s what a guy expects then he is not datable, in my opinion. A real man wants an exclusive relationship and wants to hear his woman’s voice on the phone. There are plenty of men that still want this, there is no reason to settle for this “ugly truth.”

  4. Hawkeye says:

    I am totally in agreement with you. The new “norms” are not acceptable, not for someone you might potentially commit yourself to for the rest of your life. People deserve better. Now that I am on the married side fo the fence I still think the principles of respect and open communication are extremely important. Still working on them myself, but that is part of the human condition. Maybe people are just lazy or maybe they gave up. I know I would not want to see my kids treating people like that article suggests is normal. All I can say is as far as I can influence it, I will not submit to the new “norms” of modern dating.

  5. Lindsay says:

    I realize I’m starting with the most recent entries first…but this one is my absolute favourite by far. I have WAY too many opinions on this topic to state them here, but way to go! We do set our own rules and boundaries and if someone doesn’t respect us enough to abide by or at least attempt to follow through with these boundaries…they can get lost!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s