Let’s talk about sex

Please note, this is a public forum, I am well aware of that. But, this blog is based on an adult opinion.  So please, if by chance you stumble onto this blog and are under the age of 18; this blog post is meant for responsible adults that have the presence of mind to be safe physically, mentally, and emotionally.


Alright, now that I have your attention….

Well no, really, I am going to do a post about this…Or at least I think that I am; in the form of perhaps a rant, or opinion, or maybe just impressions I’ve gotten on this wonderful and interesting topic..But wait! Before you continue reading in hopes of shared experiences and explicit detail, I may as well stop you here…Firstly, not that type of blog (as fun as that may be to attempt, hehe) and secondly, my mother reads this thing on occasion (whereas my mother holds no illusion that her divorced, 30 year old daughter has had sex, I’m sure she doesn’t want the details).

For those that have continued reading, thank you for maintaining interest even though I have promised no smut 🙂 So, how do you view sex?  Ultimately meant for procreation and only for the married (so my Catholic school teaching tells me), but I think most of us as a society have transitioned out of that way of thinking —and if you’re of a stern, Catholic upbringing and disagree, I am going to apologize in advance; but I am going to express opinion that sex is a wonderful way of contributing to an intimate relationship and not just used for reproduction.  Reader beware, I am going to speak quite candidly.

What is sex?  Now I’m not going to give you the text book definition here, I am going to assume that my readers have at the very least been through a sexual education class and covered the logistics. On a side note, incidentally, my Catholic school upbringing provided the best sexual education class, there were no questions about how it was done, what everything was called, and how to be responsible; but it was taught at a younger age where you really didn’t care, when we got old enough to be curious about sex we were just told “don’t” lol.  But I digress…

Sex is viewed by some as a purely physical connection and albeit, scientifically explained it is; we are humans, we have pheromones which cause attraction and physical response, with stimuli, etc.   Others view sex as an emotional connection, where it’s an intimate act that’s shared because of the love felt for your partner.  Some view sex as a spiritual connection, whether between you and your partner or yourself, partner, and a higher overall power/life force (interested parties in the interpretation read tantric practices, interesting concept).  There are also those that view sex as a mental connection, they require an intellectual precursor to becoming intimate in a physical way.

I like the whole package myself (oh dear, that could be considered pun humour depending on where your mind is residing upon reading this, haha), and I mean sex is best when the physical act is supported by the intellect, emotion, and spiritual.  Another challenge that I’m having in the dating world is finding someone of the same mindset.

When you have an intimate connection with someone, I’d like to think that it’s usually cultivated in mind and emotion first and then transitions into the physical relationship that may enhance the relationship overall.  Now what sometimes baffles me in today’s culture is that the order of things have become a little convoluted; some are starting with the physical and building from that.  I’m finding alot of people today are using sex as casually as borrowing a cup of sugar.  People meet, pheromones happen, physical attraction, hop into bed; hooray for instant gratification! And hey, if you’re looking for pure physical, don’t want a relationship nor anything substantial, this is great (and most in today’s society have had this at some point, days of tradition of waiting for marriage are becoming extinct –sorry Mom); but are there so many out there just looking for this and this only? Or are there some out there thinking that legitimately you can build on physical attraction? I’d hate to assume either way really, because at this point in my life this is becoming less likely to work for me I think (keep in my mind, personal opinion I’m expressing, on such sensitive topics I would never present anything as a “right” or “wrong” approach for others).

The “rules” for sex and dating that I’ve heard over the years present many schools of thought and opinion:

 “Wait until you’re married” – if you’re religious beliefs are of this rule, all the power to you.  Nothing against this rule, and I’m sure it’s worked for some.  Myself, I’d want to know all compatibility aspects before joining with one person for the rest of my life, including compatibility in the bedroom.

“3 date rule” – apparently a popular opinion is that if you’ve been out on three dates you sufficiently know a person well enough to sleep with them, or at least that is the magic number that gives the impression of not “being easy”. I’d like to know where this number came from?  It could take more than three dates for some, could take less. Every situation is different I suppose.

“Wait until you’re exclusive” – wait until you are in an actual, committed, exclusive relationship with someone.  I happen to like this one, it allows for growth emotionally and physically, not to mention safer health-wise since there are less participants involved.

“Just do it” – or wait, I think that was Nike (I’ll write them an apology for copyright infringement later).  Anyhow, a lot of our instant gratification thinkers have this thought; but I’ve also heard from others that they have “just known when the moment is right” regardless of relationship status, number of dates, etc.

Anyhow, regardless of all of the “rules”, I view sex as a very healthy thing and part of a romantic relationship.  I don’t think it’s a taboo topic and it should be an important part of a relationship to communicate about, not something to be shied away from, but not to be given away either. The human body is a wonderful thing, to be enjoyed and appreciated; by ourselves and a partner if we so choose.

Anyhow, Prince Charming should be a tantric genius, he will sweep me away to the boudoir and wow me beyond my wildest imagination…..…No, no, just kidding 🙂 I’m hoping there’s a connection well beyond sex in the man that I meet that is to be mine.

Still learning….


10 comments on “Let’s talk about sex

  1. I thought tantric was the type of chicken dish I was ordering at the Indian food restaurant.

  2. thrallex says:

    Rules and sex.. they just shouldn’t really come into the equation together. To me the combination of them just seems like a platform to be judged.
    If everyone was in touch with themselves and knew what their needs were, I really think this would be a non-issue. Unfortunately this isn’t the case and sex is the quickest way to connect to another human being…
    I believe it is a powerful thing in any way you look at it, unfortunately though, it can be abused and the passion and sanctity of it destroyed.
    I tend to keep my feelings on this limited to a circle of two, so they will never likely end up on public forum.. but I will say this, treating sex like a purely physical pleasure is like sunbathing on a beach in a snowsuit and earplugs.
    As for what you are looking for, sounds like openness. No games, no deception. if you find someone you can be truly open with and vice versa, you at least have a solid foundation to having a deeper emotional and spiritual connection (getting there is usually easier said then done).

    • I wholeheartedly agree on all counts here, and I hope I somewhat portrayed that opinion in my post. I love the sunbathing analogy used here, lol, so true! Thanks again for reading thrallex!

      • Not to be confused with the analogy of going to a 5-star restaurant immediately after the dentist has given you a great big shot of novocain.

        Wouldn’t dare use the analogy of going to the spandex ballet immediately after the ophthalmologist has put those weird dilating drops in your eyes.

        Really wouldn’t dare using the analogy…

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