A poem: I Got This

A commonly used catch phrase now, right? Confidence, independence, assurance, all in three little words.. Sometimes used in arrogance. But an all encompassing, I can handle this.

I had a wise friend a long time ago ask me when they were trying to figure out why I was single “you don’t depend on anyone do you? do you ever think a man should do for you? take care of you?”.. To which I responded, “well, I take care of me”.. I never knew where he was going with that..I came back to him after thinking about it and said “I take care of me, and I would take care of him..I haven’t met anyone strong enough to give that up to yet”…. “I get it now”, he said.. “That’s what you’re missing”…

I reflect on this conversation every now and then, as it was a while ago. To love we have to be vulnerable in every sense I suppose. It’s an interesting concept. But at least it inspired a poem 🙂

“I got this” she said as the tears rolled down her face,

She had just told her husband he had to leave their place.

She knew what she had needed, and gave all she had to give,

He wasn’t her protector, it was no way to live.

“I got this” she said when she tried to love again,

A wounded man with no emotion didn’t help her pain.

Again not what she needed, it didn’t hurt this time,

Another story ended with no reason or no rhyme.

“I got this” she said when she tried to let him in,

He was playful, he was funny and he always wore a grin.

He made her laugh and tried to care, but she knew it couldn’t be,

He wasn’t hers for love and this she could really see.

“I got this” she said when she met a man,

She told him that she loved him and he never ran.

He made her feel safe, he tried to share and dream,

A man she thought to “have this” or only so it seems.

“He’s got this” she thought as she watched him sleep,

She smiled as she thought I’m his: to have, to hold, and keep.

She never thought it possible, she could let someone give,

Her protector she was looking for, now this is how to live.

“I got this” she said as she hung up her phone,

She wasn’t what he wanted, again she’s on her own.

She got angry that she let him see her in her weakened state,

After caring so long for others she thought him worth the wait.

“I got this” she inhaled as she looked up to sky,

Life has left her pained but she is too old for why.

She knows her wounds will heal and will rebuild her heart,

And someday give it to someone who will not tear apart.

“I got this” she said.

Survived Christmas

Christmas has come and gone, and I survived it.. With the year that I’ve had in review, and it’s been a challenging one to date with my family life and love life, I seriously expected to be kind of down and depressed, but it truly went well.

I awoke on Christmas, nose to nose with my Aunt and Uncle’s appropriately named cat, Mothra.  This cat is 20lbs of furry love that you definitely feel when he steps on you.  Not quite my ideal man to wake up to on a snowy Christmas morn, huddled in blankets, but I’ll take it.  Pets are great, unconditional love and companionship; well perhaps not unconditional you do feed them so I suppose that’s a condition. Have I mentioned the appeal of becoming a cat lady lately?  Anyhow, I woke up and picked up the good ol’ IPhone to read the goings on in the world before emerging from my warm cocoon of blankets (much to the chagrin of the impatient feline that chattered at me, to get out of bed). My bleary eyes picked out a new text, “Merry Christmas hon, I love you”.  I reached over to the night table to pick up my glasses, I’m sure that text was from a man, as my slightly blind eyes picked out a male name.  Christmas had arrived, Santa did bring me a Prince Charming who already is proclaiming love and well wishes!  Putting on my glasses, I found it was from a good “life of the party” friend (we all have one of those, dear souls and drinking buddies); the text was sent in the wee hours of the morning.  Happy Christmas I’ve been drunk text, albeit sweet.  I’d prefer a sturdy and sober Prince Charming that would have no danger of toppling off of his steed, and he should possess the ability to walk a straight line.  I’m picky, aren’t I?

Pajama clad and half asleep but chuckling, I plodded out to the kitchen to start the coffee and pour the coffee cream (liqueur). I prepared for a day of feasting, drinking and making merry.  Our family did a “Secret Santa” for which we made stockings, Prince Charming can’t fit in one of those. My Uncle (who drew my name) jokingly teased that next year he would find me a musician or a firefighter –did I mention my uncle is in a pipe band and is a firefighter?  The poor guy feels he may need to start researching work resources for his poor, single niece LOL.

To get through this Christmas it was wonderful to do things that I normally don’t do.  One experience that we had was going to the old Maple Leaf Garden to take some younger cousins skating as a family outing. Now, this was an awesome family activity and such an awesome experience as I don’t even think I ever stepped foot in the Gardens before.  But admittedly it was a little heart wrenching; I watched couples with these tiny little beings on skates trying their best not to fall, laughing and smiling away. And for those that weren’t present with children, they were most likely holding hands with a significant other.  I smiled and watched my cousins (boys of 12 and 9) do their own thing and my sweet aunt and uncle whom have been together as long as I can remember hold hands and laugh while skating.  Inwardly I was wondering if I would ever have that partner to do such simple and enjoyable things with.  My Uncle noticed me just wander by myself and came to assist me in my skating (I haven’t been on ice in years and was a bit unsteady at first, we found a system of standing on my own two feet and being pushed worked quite nicely).  “You alright?  Having fun?” he asked.  “Oh yes, having fun.  Just sometimes hard to watch couples and families at times.  But I’m thankful to have such a great family around me.  Just wouldn’t mind my own, you know?”  I replied.  He looked at me sympathetically.. I don’t like that look from people.  I quickly followed up to explain that for this type of activity (ice skating) it’s really for the benefit of someone’s health and safety that I am single and unattached, if I were to hold hands with someone, I would fall, take them with me, and it would just end up being painful.  Being the ungraceful creature that I am, I would probably have my poor Prince Charming in a body cast after such an outing.  I survived the day only brandishing a bruised knee 🙂

Christmas went off without a hitch, yours truly stayed in good spirits, probably helped along by a  few spirits (haha).  I missed my father terribly, but he was with me in heart and memory.  I missed the idea of the life that my chameleon (see previous blog) promised me, but it was only the idea I missed, not him personally.  But I think what is important and got me through, is that I didn’t miss myself, Prince Charming wasn’t required.

I hope all of you had a fabulous Christmas and wish you health and prosperity for the coming new year!

Still learning…

Chameleons

chameleon
Wow, I find myself bordering on becoming cynical in my way of looking at things and how members of the opposite sex relate to me…Almost…. I’m finding that I’m wondering about the simplest statements being made to me and whether they are true or not. This is a trait that is not like me, I generally trust what people tell me when I ask them, my logic is “I’m being honest, they should be too; if I’m hiding nothing, why should they?” I don’t really believe this to be naivety, but more or less keeping hope that there are still honest people out there.

Prince Charming should be forthright in his quest and intentions, he should not be able to change his colours to best suit his environment, not even if it’s for his own protection! Love makes us vulnerable, be vulnerable!

What saddens me is that I’m not sure that some of the men that I’ve encountered in my dating life were chameleons on purpose or out of dishonest intention. Some chameleons are just that because they may not know what to be, or who the real version of them is. There are other chameleons out there though, that just wish to be the most appealing to you to get what they want (whether short term relationship status, sexual relationship, etc.)—though in my experience, they are easier to spot as they use manipulation and are less consistent in their camouflage.

What is a chameleon you ask? A chameleon is a cute little lizard, that alot of people keep as pets, and they can change colours to suit their environment. They can colour change based on moods, willingness to attract a mate (no really, I read up on this on Wikipedia), and for camouflage (defence) purposes. My definition of chameleon (for this blog’s purpose) that I’ve encountered can almost be defined as the same, less the lizard/pet classifications and we will exchange colour change for changing of characteristics/wants/needs.

My most recent chameleon came to me as exactly what I needed and when I needed him; he just unfortunately wasn’t my Prince Charming and didn’t end up staying. But I don’t think it was done maliciously (or at least I’m hoping not). This year was one of the hardest years of my life, I lost a parent to terminal illness. Now, I don’t know how many of you have had to endure this yet, but it has to date been the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I am very much what some would label a “Daddy’s Girl”, I was super close with my father and had him wrapped around my proverbial little figure as the expression goes. Around the same time the doctors told us those dreaded words, “I’m sorry but there’s nothing else we can do”; enter my chameleon: a young man I had just met with playful blue eyes, and a fun attitude that always wanted to make me laugh. I had warned him off of me though, I told him what was going on with my family and that it wasn’t a great time to get to know me, times were going to get tough. He wanted to stick around, and pretty much made it a point to integrate himself into my life. This kind hearted young man promised me he’d always be by my side and I’d never have to do anything difficult alone again. Such big promises and kind words, if a man wasn’t serious about someone why would they endure such a challenging time and help that person endure their personal hell? My chameleon was my rock; hospital visits, a shoulder to cry on, and when the time came: end of life arrangements, life celebrations, pretty much anything I needed he was by my side and promised to stay there. Growing a relationship through such a difficult time endeared me to this man, all the while he told me everything that he thought he should.

After my father passed, the relationship could focus more on the individuals in it, and not base around an illness and coping with a hard time. My chameleon still dealt with me during my mourning, but he also spoke with me at great length about cultivating a long term relationship; discussing wants, dream, plans, futures, and desire for a family. He seemed perfect, almost everything by way of desire for a family and wants were in line with mine; or so I was told. I have been through my share of long term relationships that didn’t pan out because of different lives wanted by the participating parties, I was careful to discuss with this lad exactly what he wanted and exactly what I wanted. We moved in together, and we able to cohabit with ease. Bliss, such a solid relationship was forming, so much so that we were going to throw caution to the wind! We realized that life is so very short and we had just endured a loss in my life….We decided to have a baby! He knew how strong my desire for a family was, and the silly lad wanted to give whatever he could to me….. Enter Mr. “It’s not you, it’s me” (see previous blog entry). As mentioned above, I truly believe this chameleon of mine was such without realizing what he was doing, he was adapting to make me happy and please me without really knowing himself. My chameleon was definitely not my Prince Charming, and in the same year I endured another loss.

My heart was in bits, mourning a death and a relationship so close to one and other…This relationship made me really sad, because this was a chameleon that didn’t mean to be (I don’t think, or at least I didn’t see that dishonest trait in him). But because everything was so seemingly honest and discussed openly, it makes me second guess other positive interactions with men that are potential Prince Charming in my life. When someone tells me that they want the same things, I’m wondering if they’re just telling me what they think I want to hear or if they are sincere and truly know themselves.

Honesty, willingness to invest, be vulnerable, and work at it; I was sure I did things properly that time. It’s hard to be vulnerable again and open myself to finding Prince Charming when there are those chameleons (malicious or not) out there.

I guess I just keep coming back to this C.S. Lewis quote: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

No way around getting hurt, is there? You just hope that someday someone won’t. But there’s always risk…

Still learning…

Let’s talk about sex

Please note, this is a public forum, I am well aware of that. But, this blog is based on an adult opinion.  So please, if by chance you stumble onto this blog and are under the age of 18; this blog post is meant for responsible adults that have the presence of mind to be safe physically, mentally, and emotionally.

SEX!

Alright, now that I have your attention….

Well no, really, I am going to do a post about this…Or at least I think that I am; in the form of perhaps a rant, or opinion, or maybe just impressions I’ve gotten on this wonderful and interesting topic..But wait! Before you continue reading in hopes of shared experiences and explicit detail, I may as well stop you here…Firstly, not that type of blog (as fun as that may be to attempt, hehe) and secondly, my mother reads this thing on occasion (whereas my mother holds no illusion that her divorced, 30 year old daughter has had sex, I’m sure she doesn’t want the details).

For those that have continued reading, thank you for maintaining interest even though I have promised no smut 🙂 So, how do you view sex?  Ultimately meant for procreation and only for the married (so my Catholic school teaching tells me), but I think most of us as a society have transitioned out of that way of thinking —and if you’re of a stern, Catholic upbringing and disagree, I am going to apologize in advance; but I am going to express opinion that sex is a wonderful way of contributing to an intimate relationship and not just used for reproduction.  Reader beware, I am going to speak quite candidly.

What is sex?  Now I’m not going to give you the text book definition here, I am going to assume that my readers have at the very least been through a sexual education class and covered the logistics. On a side note, incidentally, my Catholic school upbringing provided the best sexual education class, there were no questions about how it was done, what everything was called, and how to be responsible; but it was taught at a younger age where you really didn’t care, when we got old enough to be curious about sex we were just told “don’t” lol.  But I digress…

Sex is viewed by some as a purely physical connection and albeit, scientifically explained it is; we are humans, we have pheromones which cause attraction and physical response, with stimuli, etc.   Others view sex as an emotional connection, where it’s an intimate act that’s shared because of the love felt for your partner.  Some view sex as a spiritual connection, whether between you and your partner or yourself, partner, and a higher overall power/life force (interested parties in the interpretation read tantric practices, interesting concept).  There are also those that view sex as a mental connection, they require an intellectual precursor to becoming intimate in a physical way.

I like the whole package myself (oh dear, that could be considered pun humour depending on where your mind is residing upon reading this, haha), and I mean sex is best when the physical act is supported by the intellect, emotion, and spiritual.  Another challenge that I’m having in the dating world is finding someone of the same mindset.

When you have an intimate connection with someone, I’d like to think that it’s usually cultivated in mind and emotion first and then transitions into the physical relationship that may enhance the relationship overall.  Now what sometimes baffles me in today’s culture is that the order of things have become a little convoluted; some are starting with the physical and building from that.  I’m finding alot of people today are using sex as casually as borrowing a cup of sugar.  People meet, pheromones happen, physical attraction, hop into bed; hooray for instant gratification! And hey, if you’re looking for pure physical, don’t want a relationship nor anything substantial, this is great (and most in today’s society have had this at some point, days of tradition of waiting for marriage are becoming extinct –sorry Mom); but are there so many out there just looking for this and this only? Or are there some out there thinking that legitimately you can build on physical attraction? I’d hate to assume either way really, because at this point in my life this is becoming less likely to work for me I think (keep in my mind, personal opinion I’m expressing, on such sensitive topics I would never present anything as a “right” or “wrong” approach for others).

The “rules” for sex and dating that I’ve heard over the years present many schools of thought and opinion:

 “Wait until you’re married” – if you’re religious beliefs are of this rule, all the power to you.  Nothing against this rule, and I’m sure it’s worked for some.  Myself, I’d want to know all compatibility aspects before joining with one person for the rest of my life, including compatibility in the bedroom.

“3 date rule” – apparently a popular opinion is that if you’ve been out on three dates you sufficiently know a person well enough to sleep with them, or at least that is the magic number that gives the impression of not “being easy”. I’d like to know where this number came from?  It could take more than three dates for some, could take less. Every situation is different I suppose.

“Wait until you’re exclusive” – wait until you are in an actual, committed, exclusive relationship with someone.  I happen to like this one, it allows for growth emotionally and physically, not to mention safer health-wise since there are less participants involved.

“Just do it” – or wait, I think that was Nike (I’ll write them an apology for copyright infringement later).  Anyhow, a lot of our instant gratification thinkers have this thought; but I’ve also heard from others that they have “just known when the moment is right” regardless of relationship status, number of dates, etc.

Anyhow, regardless of all of the “rules”, I view sex as a very healthy thing and part of a romantic relationship.  I don’t think it’s a taboo topic and it should be an important part of a relationship to communicate about, not something to be shied away from, but not to be given away either. The human body is a wonderful thing, to be enjoyed and appreciated; by ourselves and a partner if we so choose.

Anyhow, Prince Charming should be a tantric genius, he will sweep me away to the boudoir and wow me beyond my wildest imagination…..…No, no, just kidding 🙂 I’m hoping there’s a connection well beyond sex in the man that I meet that is to be mine.

Still learning….

Nice girls/guys finish last

I was talking to a friend the other day, whom in down spirits relayed to me that “nice guys finish last” and it got me thinking…I’ve heard this from many men before…  I have had this conversation with quite a few of the men in my life; they have sat with me, looked into my eyes with a sigh, and said “I don’t know why I can’t meet nice women, they all seem to want the bad boys or the guys that treat them like garbage”.

Now I fight really hard for my initial response to them not to be “well, what am I, chopped liver?” as my good, decent, male friends (that were single at some point when these conversations took place) are coming to me to vent, have an unbiased forum with someone of the opposite sex, and to not be judged in any way… This alone makes it obvious that they are coming to me because they don’t even remotely view me as a woman that is anywhere in their running for girlfriend material, they view me as a buddy and this is okay.  I’m honoured that I do have male friends that value my friendship and feel they can talk to me about anything, inclusive of women woes.  I love that I can have an open and brutally honest relationship with someone of the opposite sex, I wish this would carry into my romantic relationships!

But it’s funny isn’t it?  We don’t get that openness and honesty in our relationships right away for the most part, do we?  Now wait for all of you that are happily attached and reading this, your reaction is going to be “well I’m open and honest with my partner”, and yes I have no doubt that you are, but think about this, it took time to get there, didn’t it?  I mean, when we initially meet someone and get to know them, if we have them slated as a possible romantic interest, there may not necessarily dishonesty but perhaps things we withhold.  Now I think this totally normal, of course we’re going to withhold information that could present a vulnerability or an unfavourable quality, it’s human nature; otherwise, it would be like meeting someone, handing them a knife, and saying “stab here please” and pointing at your chest.  Now for those that have had the fortune of having a romantic relationship come of a decent friendship and had it work out, kudos to you, I can’t say that I have yet (I smell a future blog topic here).

Back to my initial topic though, men that have this “nice guys finish last” mentality, it works both ways.  I’ve lamented to others that “nice girls finish last” as well.  You know what, if we keep that mentality, it’s just going to continue happening; finishing last I mean.  I do a lot of reflecting on myself and my practices when bringing up this statement, firstly, what makes me “nice”, you ask? Or at least my definition of “nice” in relation to this post… I am that vulnerable one that meets someone that may be a potential romantic interest and hands them that proverbial knife as outlined above.  I’ve realized in my life, this could be the catch 22 or “crux” of the person that is me.  If I have an acquaintance or a “passing person” in my life, I can keep them at distance and not be vulnerable at all, and still have a healthy interaction.  But if I decide there is to be a worthwhile relationship cultivated (whether romantic, friendship, or familial) you are going to get everything that is me, I am going to be honest; about who I am, what I want, and what I feel.  When I choose to feel, I do it fiercely, and I leave very little guess work.  Does this make me vulnerable? Yes!  Does it get me hurt? Absolutely! But do I ever have to second guess my actions when something doesn’t work out? No, I was honest, I know that, and I can look at myself in the mirror every morning because of it.  Someday I’ll hand someone that knife, and perhaps they won’t use it.  But I have thought that this could also be what dooms me. 

Another interesting reflection, is the friends of the opposite sex that we choose to talk to when we use the “nice guys/girls finish last” statement, we’re telling a friend that we’re vulnerable and get screwed over because of it.  So, let’s think about this here, a healthy, communicative, vulnerable, and honest relationship where we’re comfortable enough discussing such a topic, hmmmmm, imagine…Me thinks that half the work here is done, for those that are fortunate enough to have friendships turned romance.  But this concept also worries me, you know, in case it doesn’t pan out romantically, what happens to the friendship?  (as mentioned above, more food for thought on a future blog). I know ideally, I shouldn’t be thinking that a relationship is doomed before it starts, but by nature I think about all possible outcomes to a situation.  Maybe some reprogramming is required on my part, who know?  More to think/analyze about myself, I’m sure.

In conclusion, I will put out my honesty (always) and hope that this crazy universe reflects it back to me.  This nice girl wants her Prince Charming to be a nice guy, one day I will be done finishing last. 

But in truth, I think I’ve come to the point in my life that I don’t necessarily think that I’ve “finished last” anymore…..It’s just that….. I haven’t finished yet 😉

Still learning….

Expiration date

expiration

Happy days! I got to dress up this past weekend! Being unattached and the fact that my work doesn’t really have a Christmas party, I don’t really have any festive celebrations to go to that require getting all prettied up. But this past weekend I did a Christmas show with the community theatre that I’m heavily involved with. I enjoy community theatre, as I have met some wonderful people and made some really great friendships. There’s an eclectic mix of us thespians, young and old from different walks of life, it truly is a great group.

So, I went to our Christmas performance, and there’s a little refreshments “party” beforehand where we mingle with theatre goers and spread Christmas cheer, with yummy treats and chatting. I’m there, dressed up, hair done, make up sparkling, a smile permanently etched on my face; fluttering about the room, chatting, and posing for pictures. I am feeling pretty good, I’m not on anyone’s arm and I’m managing to work the room during the semblance of a Christmas Party 🙂
Then I notice one of our younger theatre members (I think she’s about 18) gazing at the young man on stage we have playing some Christmas music for the gathering. Ah ha! I recognize that look of admiration, I think I’ll have a bit of fun and tease her! I come up beside her and totally break her concentration on the young musician. “Have a thing for the musician? You could say hi to him during his break you know, and I bet we could even find out if he’s single”, I tease her with a cheeky wink. “No, I don’t need a date right now, I’m good”. She replied laughing. “I hear you”, I agree with her, “I’m not really trying much for dates these days either, the opposite sex is too bothersome for me at the moment”. To which she agrees, and we both have a little shared “girls’ moment” giggle on our lament about men. And then out came the words, “You know, I’ll probably be like you are at your age”….

The wind in my sails just deflated, and I’m pretty sure my permanently etched smile faltered for a second. I am all of a sudden painfully aware of my almost 30 years on this earth, and I struggle to remember how I viewed 30 when I was only 18 years of age. This girl and I were just laughing about shared troubles, we had done some shows together, been to meetings, we were acquaintances, I tried to coach her and guide her in the theatre group; surely she didn’t mean this as insultingly as my mind at that moment processed it… Old! I’m pretty sure she just called me old!

I continued the laughter we had just shared in our own private joke, and queried, “um, my age? You speak as if I’m ancient!…and what do we mean, like me?”. The poor girl started back peddling furiously, “well, I didn’t mean anything bad, you just, you know, you’re single, older, and seem ok about it”…Ah, ok, she was trying to say she felt ok about her pending doomed future, 12 years down the road of being single. I resigned to her train of thinking, and said “I haven’t always been single, I’ve had a few attempts at relationships hon, I’ve even been married. I joke when I say I’m swearing off men. We have to take chances to be happy. But I’ll never say that I NEED someone to be happy. Go say hi to that cute musician, could turn out to be a good thing”. I continued on with the party and the show. My character was a housewife, with a loving husband, and two beautiful children; I tenderly held my fake husband and looked at my stage children with admiration, it was nice to pretend…You know… How I am… At my age….

I got home that evening and stripped down, looking at myself in the mirror at every angle, searching for that expiration date that I’m sure my younger thespian thought I had somewhere on me.. You know, at my age. Do we have one of those? A predetermined date or age in life where we have to throw in the towel, and accept a life of solitude? (and procure alot of cats for my cat-ladyhood and spinster life?) Yes, I realize as a woman there are biological aspects that I have to worry about (and my wonderful, loving mother likes to remind me in jest at times that “I’m not getting any younger”), but when is the pressure to be applied? Ideally, I would love to meet that special someone, settle down, have a family, and a household together. I think a child would be best influenced by both a mother AND a father. But realistically, I know that the biological aspect isn’t a reason to rush at finding a partner either (despite what my mother tells me). I’ve always been well aware that medical science is a wonderful thing and I could certainly provide more than enough love and support for a child on my own (with my wonderful, supportive family and friends). Even from an extremely young age I’ve been aware that you don’t need a man (partner) to have a baby– (really, it’s been a prevalent idea in my mind, as my parents can attest to having the school phone home because their 8 year old daughter is explaining exactly what artificial insemination is and claims that if she doesn’t find a good, suitable husband she can still have a baby – true story and what made it all that much better is, I went to a Catholic school! Lol). But if I want that baby and/or partner, surely there must be an age I should put as a cut off, shouldn’t there? I mean, I am a healthy, young woman, childbearing should really be done by my mid thirties to be at optimal health and avoid health/developmental complications with the baby. But then, if I want that partner thing too, and I don’t find Prince Charming by my mid thirties and make a go of motherhood on my own, having a child makes dating a whole new challenge. If that comes to be the case, you all could be stuck reading this blog for quite some time with a whole other slew of challenges and lifestyle!

These are things that weigh on my mind, and I try really hard for them not to. But being around coupled friends, and having your mother reminding you of your age and her lack of grandchildren, it becomes a harder thought to place on the backburner. I am a firm believer of “everything happens for a reason” but I also believe in having some control over my own destiny (hence the logic at a young age about having babies), so this inner battle will probably take place longer and have an eventual outcome, Prince Charming or not.

As it sits, you’ll be relieved to know that I never found that expiration date anywhere on this body. So, for now, I think I’m good. Prince Charming has a while yet to get his act together and cross my path.

Still learning……

Where for art thou?

looking

This is one topic that I have discussed with many people.  Because everyone has a different opinion on where you go if you want to meet a good quality human being that could possibly be “the one”.  I’ve also heard that it’s relative, where you meet; I mean in relation to the quality of relationship you get.  I want to look at a few of these options that have been brought up to me.

I’ve attempted to meet Prince Charming in a few places and I really have no opinion of any one being better than the other.  I’ve ranged from the ever dreaded and frowned upon bar scene, to at work, to my cable guy (yes, I know that sounds like a bad porno movie, but my ex-husband just happened to be my cable guy), so I have in fact proved that you can meet a potential partner anywhere.

 

The Internet

While my luck with this particular avenue hasn’t been too wonderful (see Internet Dating vs. however else you do it), I haven’t discouraged or discounted it out yet.  Just recently I was speaking to a couple, who I had just met while taking in a music show by myself at a pub I don’t frequent (I’m friendly, I talk to anyone), they had met on an internet dating site, both were divorcees and he even moved up from the US to be with her!  They were happy and had been together for a few years already, married, and seemed genuinely good together (as far as impressions go).  I have also read a few recommendations from a deliberate attraction coach (yes, as said, I’ve read and delved into everything on this topic lately) about how the internet is a wonderful tool to get to know people, and as well be very specific about what it is that you want in a relationship right on your dating profile, and if people are honest hopefully this will weed out the unworthy.

 

The Bar/Pub

Well, I can honestly say I haven’t done this one too often and only once I’ve dated a bar “patron”.  You’re wondering what I mean by that aren’t you?  I’ve only once met someone at the bar that was a customer and out to be drinking and having a good time.  I tend to not talk to bar goers that are imbibing largely, so who are the more sober in the bar?  Usually bartenders, musicians, and DJs; so when I have met men at bars or pubs they usually fit into this category as they are usually the most sober.  In retrospect though, I guess these men have to talk to me as part of their job?  Haha, I have thought of it that way though, but doesn’t mean they have to keep talking to me.. Though, it is much easier to engage conversation from someone that has to talk to people and socialize for a living, but I digress and don’t think this should be the dating criteria lol.  The only fellow bar goer I tried dating/relationship with was Mr. It’s Not You, It’s Me (see previous blog entry).  I’m going to say that my own track record for dates from meeting at the bar/pub has not been a successful one.  But a coworker always giggles to me that she met her husband at the bar of all places, and they’ve been married for 30+ years, so apparently it has worked.  I’m not thinking I should discredit this meeting place yet, but that’s assuming that I have a social life that gets me out to the bar or pub.  As I broached 30, I have to say that my sleep became more of a priority to me than staying up half the night at a bar or pub and then crawling into work the next morning.

 

Work

Ever hear the expression “don’t dip your pen in the company ink”?  I think that there is some validation in this point.  For the (very) few men that I have attempted to date from my working environments, I could say that it had the potential to go very wrong, very quickly.  I am fortunate to have dated adults when it comes to these circumstances, as I was still able to interact professionally with them after things didn’t work out romantically.  But I have observed other office romances that started hot and heavy and just peachy, until something went sour and then spilled into work. Think of it, something doesn’t work, hard feelings are had, and then you have to see that person EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Sure, when you’re in the honeymoon phase, seeing that special someone every waking minute can be a fantastic thing, but I’m thinking even that will get old and quick.  This is one place I will not tend to go looking, and admittedly the very few times it has happened is when I was working loads of hours and not having much time for a social life outside of work.  So, I guess one of the main steps on my list when I do wish to meet Prince Charming is obtaining one of those social life things  :-/

 

Utility/Services Workers That Come to Your Home

You’re thinking like the home shopping network right?  Cute guy, comes into your home, you’re in your PJs or comfy clothes, disheveled hair, no make up… Bow-chicka-bow-wow… No wait, that was porno, not home shopping… I’m just kidding! LOL But to continue on with that story, the guy installed my cable and then asked for my e-mail address.  Now, of all the places to meet people, in your very own home is super convenient.. As long as the service provider they work for does criminal background checks I suppose.. But I’m not sure I recommend meeting people via this avenue either.. Being the fella I met is now my ex-husband, this has kind of ruined that experience for me.  But hey, if you ever hear of a success story in this type of meeting, I’d be interested to know!

 

Grocery Store/Coffee Shop/Book Store

Funny enough, these are the most suggested places to me for meeting Prince Charming.  And I haven’t met a fella yet in any of these places.. I guess what I struggle with is how to “break the ice” in these environments.  Sauntering up to a guy in the produce section and asking him how firm the melons are today could just be asking for trouble (and definitely attracting the wrong kind of guy that I’d be wanting, I imagine!).  But when I’m in the grocery store, I’m on a mission, get it, get what I want, get out.  And really, that’s not the kind of dating experience I want anymore, haha.  But how am I going to take the time and exercise my wit and find intelligent conversation in the grocery store?  I think I’ll nix that one. 

Now, the coffee shop, more relaxed, perhaps more feasible.. Our eyes could meet across the room, noticing each other are alone, a smile or smirk could be exchanged, I could then get up to make my way to your table to say hello and strike up a conversation with you, and then as I’m making my way over whomever you were supposed to be meeting in the first place shows up and sits down… Probably your girlfriend or wife.  I’m not quite sure how this one could work, but maybe I won’t discredit it yet.  Just have to be careful and be prepared for the possibility of awkwardness.

The book store, well, I love the book store!  One of my favourite past times is to wander around the local Chapters with my Starbucks coffee in hand, and peruse the books that I wish to read, wish to buy and just catch my eye that I’ve never even heard of before.  Perhaps this could work for men too?  Should I have a strategy though? Like only look in certain sections?  Stay away from the Self Help section perhaps? I have enough problems of my own thank you, I don’t need to deal with his as well.. or on the flip side of the coin, he is looking to self improve; this book section is a double edged sword I’m thinking..Ok, how about Science Fiction section?  Guys like that, I like some. Not all sci-fi guys live in their parents’ basement, right?  Or, how about Romance? He could be looking for tips on how to be Prince Charming, right?  Or the Home Improvement/DIY section, I bet he’d be a handy Prince Charming if I found him there! Or he could just tinker with and/or break my stuff.  The book store would be so confusing, as to where to look for my prince.  And then, what do you say? “Um, read any good books lately?”..”Do you come here often?”.. I will have to think about this one.

 

Through Friends

Now, none of my friends have braved this one yet.  I think they’ve all observed my luck in dating over these past few years and do not want to shoulder any of the blame for future mishaps.  While there are a few friends that think they could do better than I have at choosing a potential mate up to this point in time, I do pity the man that runs into them; they will probably threaten the poor lad with an intensive questionnaire of their intentions, values, and wants followed by a psych evaluation (me thinks this may not be a bad idea? Lol).  Anyhow, as I’ve mentioned, I’m one of the few “singles” in my group(s) of friends, which makes it very challenging to meet men through my friends, as most couples only know other couples. I have yet to venture into meeting men through friends…Does it count if it’s a friend’s younger brother? (possible future blog topic perhaps, sounds interesting though doesn’t it? LOL)

 

Prince Charming may pop up anywhere and sweep me off my feet and carry me off into the sunset for my happily ever after, and then I will promptly wake up and get ready for work 🙂  But all kidding aside, I’ll just keep my options open, shall I?  And not worry about where or when, but just keep that thought and put out that energy that I’m worth someone wonderful who wants to put just as much into a relationship as I do, I am deserving of love and great things…..

Still learning….