May-December, can it work?

The May-December romance – a romance between two of a significantly different age.  The terminology coming from someone being in the “Spring” of their life (earlier/younger) and someone in the “Winter” of their life (later/older).  Can it work?

I don’t know about you, but when I started out in the whole relationship dealings in life, I generally modelled it around the relationship closest to me, my parents.  So I had an expectation early on that my partner would probably ballpark somewhere around 3-4 years my senior and that was generally where I set my limitations, as my parents were three years apart in age.  When I was younger, age was one of the first inquiries I made in getting to know someone (and rightly so, I want to stress here that the age differences I speak of are only alright for those classified as adults), though as I now get older I’m finding it’s a less important question right off the bat….Funny how that works isn’t it? The older we get the less age matters 😉

There are those that venture outside of those 3-4 years and look for a much significant age difference, society has even provided nicknames that I’m sure we’ve all heard.  For instance “cougar”, an older woman seeking a younger man, I know most of us have heard of that.  But it works all ways, both genders seeking younger or older (I’m not just centring this blog about us women seeking out a poor, hard bodied, unsuspecting, younger man…lol).  In a quick internet search, I’ve learned an interesting take on the animal kingdom.  In addition to the term “cougar”, a younger man that seeks the older woman is called a “hamster”.  I’m tickled with this because it’s giving a young man such a meek and defenceless animal while giving the older woman (cougar) such a predatory animal, I find it highly amusing due to the flip side of the coin….An older man that seeks a younger woman, apparently is called a “rhino”, a strong animal but not necessarily predatory; while the younger woman that seeks an older man is referred to as a “panther”. Now, a cougar could eat a hamster, while a panther could still kick a rhino’s butt or at least put up a good fight; how fair are these nicknames ladies?  I’m just saying, but I think these nicknames were made up by a man…lol.  I digress, but I just wanted to share these “definitions” as they were funny.

Now in my opinion (which is what you are getting in my blog), the May-December romance thing, can work as long as both parties’ needs/wants in the relationship can line up or mesh.  Having dated outside of my age realm I have often heard the statements from others, “what could you possibly talk about?”, or “what do you have in common?” Funny enough, our hobbies and interests do not an age make (if this were the case, with my musical tastes, and some of my interests I would probably be close to 60)…  Quite frankly, having different life experiences at different times can make for really interesting conversations, and really if we were all the same life would be really boring.   

Some obstacles to consider. Children. Do you have them?  Do you want them?  On the December side of the relationship, they may have had their children already and put in their time raising them and not really relish in doing that again, this could be a make or break instance for a May if they have yet to have this life experience.  Same theory could be applied to marriage. Also, and though a bit morbid to consider early on, but, health.  We all can get ailments no matter our age, but scientifically, the odds increase with our age.  So, if you’re a May, something to consider, are you going to be okay taking care of your December later on in life?  It’s not always the case, but as said, to consider.

In my dating experience, I’ve attempted the May-December relationship a few times. No, I do not wish to be called a “panther”, as I do not prey on poor, defenceless, older men. I am a healthy, young woman, I’m secure in myself and have no “Daddy issues” (it’s sometime assumed when a younger woman goes for an older man, she’s looking for a secure father figure – I’m sorry if I’m looking to have the semblance of a romantic life with a guy, Daddy is the furthest thing from my mind). I just have happened upon men that have similar tastes and interests to me and they happen to be older (and bless with brilliant genetics that make them look younger than their years). In theory, it could’ve very well worked out.  In my experiences thus far, different lifestyles (that were not hinged on age) were the downfall –see Mr. Wrong.  I also tried dating a fellow 23 years my senior, but he partied alot and seemed to want someone to go to the bar with every weekend, not what I’m looking for (bet you thought that may be the other way around, huh?) .  But when I meet someone I don’t automatically go to “wait a minute, how old are you first?” I want to know can we talk, can we keep eachother interested, do we have anything in common, what do we like, what do we not like?  I’ve seen a successful relationship with age difference, I know of a couple who get along very well, relate excellently to eachother, and really seem to balance eachother out.  She is 13 years his senior, they happily live together, and it works!  A close friend’s parents when I was growing up, 15 years apart and one of the happiest households I remember! So, in my opinion perhaps age isn’t one of the first screening factors in this dating thing..

Prince Charming just may have some tarnished or “well worn” armour is all, no big deal right? 

Still learning….


8 comments on “May-December, can it work?

  1. Lol! I’ve never heard the term “hamster” before! That somehow doesn’t fit – I’d say a much younger man is more like a lynx or something. Anyway, IMHO the age number means nothing. I knew a 60 yo woman with a 40 yo husband and they had been married 20 years the last time I saw her – and no she wasn’t rich. I know a woman who’s husband is about 15 years older than her and they are very happy and a great match.

  2. Ulana says:

    Lmao. Hamster is hilarious. I read an article though that referred to them as cubs. Or maybe it was a documentary on TV….me can’t remember.

  3. As someone in a relationship with a more than 10 year age difference I can say that no relationship should be based on age but rather on how you connect and your compatibility and feelings of love and compassion. As long as you want the same things and are at the same point in your life despite the age difference than go for it! I really despise the term cougar… it is so offensive to me as a woman who is dating younger.That is not a term that should not be used for a real relationship but rather a physical attraction only I think. I have had some concerns in mine because you worry as women about a younger partner staying interested in you as you age but my boyfriend quickly put that concern aside with assurances of his love and his actions that show it. That said do not block yourself from dating outside your usual age range because you may miss out on a beautiful relationship. Good article…this topic is not discussed often! 🙂

    • I agree on the terminologies, none of them are really desirable/flattering to anyone..thank you for sharing your experiences! :). I agree, this topic isn’t discussed often and is sometimes considered “taboo”, and it shouldn’t be. Thank you for reading 🙂

  4. I’m in a May-December relationship. That hardest part about mine is the outside opinions, he’s high profile in his profession and I have barely entered mine.

    • That’s interesting particularyouth,
      Does that mean you’re in the same profession? I could view that as a positive (you can gain knowledge from someone with more experience), but can also see why you would be hesitant to do so with the stigma of not wanting to be “looked down to” as a younger partner. But really, ideally, I would like to hope in love such observations as that wouldn’t matter, we learn from eachother and accept eachother regardless of age and experience. Just my two cents worth.
      All the best to you, thanks for reading!

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