The ever dreaded rebound

My journey continued…So, after a few relationships and a divorce, I’ve got this now, I love me!  I don’t need to be needed, and I have a good idea about what I want in a relationship and the behaviour I’ll accept.  I’m clearing my horizon for that prince charming on noble steed to come and sweep me away.  To clear that horizon, I took some time for me to just do the things I enjoy, and wasn’t necessarily looking.  At this point in life, I was on a relationship hiatus, really wasn’t sure if I wanted to test the dating waters or even have a clue what I would do if approached by the opposite sex.  So, I surrounded myself with friends, and started a social life again.

Funny how things can happen when you’re not looking, I still have to sort out and understand that attraction rule in life (when you want to meet new people it never happens, yet when you don’t want to meet new people guess what…).

I’ll set the scene for you: crowded pub, loads of people, the smell of beer and nachos, opposing sports fans exchanging jeers, and me hanging with a couple of my buddies drinking beer and watching football (soccer for all of my “Canadianized”  sport fans).  The epitome of anti-romantic setting;  I’m with my lads, adorned in fan gear of the team I’m cheering for and I’m safe, not even contemplating other men around me……Then… Hello blue eyes!  These sparkling, playful, bright baby blues catch my attention from across the room.  They belong to a fella who is smirking directly at me as he stands for the national anthem of the opposing team to which I am so evidently clad in and supporting.  This man had great eyes, but he had no taste in football, I turned back to my game and enjoyed my pint of Kilkenny.

“Hey, haven’t seen you on the pitch in a while, where ya been hiding?”, I looked up and blue eyes is standing in front of our table, talking to my buddy next to me.. We know blue eyes?!  I feel a little spark ignite, that instant attraction feeling, we all know it right?  My heart skips a beat and I’m just trying not to smile dumbly.. He plays in the same soccer league as my buddy, if I wanted an “in” to talk to this guy it’s on a silver platter right now.  “Do you mind if I join you guys?”.. No “in” required, blue eyes wants to join us! “Well, I’m not sure, you seem to  be cheering for the wrong team and I’m not sure if I can accept that at this table”, I smile sweetly with a playful tone in my voice..Hmmm, flirting, am I doing that?  I can’t remember at this point what that is; eye contact, check… smiling, check…playful, demure, tone of voice, check… head tilt, check…Well, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, yep, by George I think I’m flirting!  The game went on, the beer flowed well, and he was totally smiling at me and engaging me in conversation at every turn.  I am smiling and kicking my buddy under the table who leans over and says in my ear “you want to hook up with this guy? Cause I so got this for you!” (how sweet, isn’t it so awesome when one of your best male friends offers to be your “wing man”?).  I casually lean back over to my buddy and say while still smiling “I got this hon, don’t think I’ll need the assist”.  I am smiling, I’m tossing my hair, and nodding my pretty little head; maybe I can flirt?  My inner self is cheering me on with pompoms and jumping up and down, success!  we remember how to do this!!!  (FYI, I had an inner self before the Fifty Shades Trilogy made the “Inner Goddess” popular by the way).

Surely good should have come of this meeting, right?  I met a guy, I was my charming self, and we could talk sports (what guy wouldn’t love that, come on?!).  My prince charming traded in his steed for a soccer ball, it could happen?

After a few dates, I got to find out that lovely blue eyes was on the rebound, and he shortly thereafter went back to his ex.  Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Fortunately, I wasn’t emotionally invested in this one, but I have heard others’ experiences where they have been crushed because they were someone’s rebound relationship…

BUT, I am ever learning…There are some things that are beyond our control in the dating world, being someone’s rebound may be one of them.  But the whole point of dating is getting to know someone (to see if they’re relationship worthy), and if we just met that person we really don’t have any background on them and have to take them at their word.  It’s unfortunate at times to have to trust blindly, but most days I leave my telepathy and crystal ball at home.

How do I plan on not being that rebound girl?

  • Date!  Don’t hop into a relationship and get that emotionally invested straight away.. Yes, yes, we all like that cushy “aaaahhh, I’m in a relationship and don’t have to worry about dating anymore” feeling.  But it’s essential to getting to know someone.
  • Ask questions.  I am impeccable at this and have a fairly inquisitive and forward manner about me.  Think you’re being too nosey?  Space the questions out over a few dates, that way your date doesn’t feel like they’re in an interrogation.  In my opinion, questions like “how long were you in your last relationship?” or “how long ago was your last relationship?” are legit questions.  It’s not like you need to know the ex’s favourite restaurant or really any details about them as a person, but it would be nice to have an idea if there is a possibility of still being hung up on them.
  • Listen.  Do they bring up their ex, or volunteer any information about their ex that isn’t relevant to the current situation (ie. You two)?  This could be a red flag.

So far, I haven’t been the rebound again, but I empathize with those who have.  But you know what I got from blue eyes?  Attention, interest, and that nice little spark.  I was so hesitant to even bother talking to a member of the opposite sex, I didn’t think I could relate, or even manage a conversation.  But, I can still flirt and have a bit of interest shown my way, who knew?  I got my groove back 🙂

Still learning…

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5 comments on “The ever dreaded rebound

  1. Great story, I love all the learning that you got from that experience and that you now want to take the time to date and get to know someone. Yeah, those blue eyes can throw a girl off temporarily….

  2. The Cats Meow says:

    Look at you, standing up for yourself and making things better. Recognizing what you need to do to be happy. You should talk to thee opposite sex. You will know if they’re worth your time. If you get a vibe keep going, if not then it’s not right don’t waste the time! I really liked reading this post.

  3. Ulana says:

    Lol inner self! We all have one. That’s part of why the 50 shades books were so popular. That inner goddess thing. We could relate. Although, I think her goddess needed some Ritalin

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